I will admit, I am starting to realise that I do love him enough to let him go. But yes, my fear of loss is holding me back from letting go completely.

NOT that I pursue. What he sees is the DB busting. No pursuit. No fear. Friendly, upbeat, warm, validating. He no longer sees, hears or reads about the old busting.

And the remnants of the old busting are just for me and this board. But hey are remnants.

I have thought about whether or not I am fighting for the M and my family or for the fear of loss.

If I am honest right now, its both. I fear the loss of my family again. I don't want my kids to live with the emptiness I lived with. And I don't want their parents to be miserable like mine were.

Starsky - I so appreciate the challenges you present, because I want to dig deeper. I have not thought of a timeline to be honest. I want to outlast to see if there is a chance.

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home