Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[bustingout]

KG first I want to apologise for hijacking your post. What you initially wrote expressed a lot of what I feel and wonder about that I have a hard time expressing. It hit home. I'm sorry.

Denver, thank you for your post. Your story is inspiring and I am very happy for you. :-)

Ok-- I get it. I do understand the concept of no pursuit while H is with OW. I really do. And I admit, before I found DB I was doing that. He did not miss me, I am sure he lost a lot of respect for me, and to be honest, after I started DB unrealised I had lost a lot of respect for myself as well.

I found DB in May. My sitch has been going on since 2010. I stopped pursuit immediately. I went complete NC. It took two weeks and he contacted me about the
kids.

I wont go into the details of my sitch here but H is working on a project in another town. So he has not been with us in the same town since April. I do not see him ( there were a couple of times he met us during the summer when we were abroad).

I remained NC. I let him initiate contact with regards to any business matters or the kids. I understand that I need to outlast the affair if there is a chance ( unless like chatter said it is an exit affair, which I had not thought about before).

I do not want to give him myself while he is with OW. I have started to realise and have faith in myself that I am and can be a better person. I am regainging my self esteem.I am doing a lot of work on that.

I will not allow R with OW in the picture. No, he has not expressed any missing of me or desire to come back, but I was pursuing him from day one of our sitch. It's only since DB that I have been NOT pursuing, etc. It's only now that he MAY start missing me,
rethinking...etc.

But he is not here, so the only chances he may see that are when we do have these brief convos about the kids or money matters. And the couple of times we saw each other over the summer, I DB' d my a$$ off.

I am warm, I am upbeat, I am more genuine, positive. I am seeing beyond my own nose. My kids don't see me crying anymore, miserable. I am not drinking myself to sleep anymore. I am reengaging in MY life again. In my kids' lives again.

IF h decided that he was curious about what was going on with me, if OW was out, then I would consider R. For me, for my kids, for the family I always wanted to create.

By no means do I believe that just because OW may be out of the picture one day he will come running back. And even if he did, I know that is still not enough to R.

I guess with all of this distance between us, anxiety sometimes builds... Curiosity builds...' should I do something different?' I think. But we learn. And we listen to those that have walked our paths.

Maybe I am being naive because my sitch has been going on for so long...however since DB I feel like something different has happened. The dynamics have changed because I have changed. And those changes are becoming permanent and real. For te better. Finally.

I am trying to create more time. More time to see if DB and my changes can peak curiosity with him.

I feel there is something starsky is saying that I am still not getting. I don't disagree with you about pursuit. And Denver, yes, the few moments i speak with H i am upbeat, friendly and attractive. Maybe we are differing on timelines?

Time will tell?

And again, I never thought about the concept of an exit affair.

Thank you all for your time and perspectives. I am so appreciative of it all. And KG, apologies again...