If they choose the OM/OW how will they see that you have changed as a person, if you're not going to be around them?
I will admit, it's easier for a betrayed husband (than wife) to pull this off, as women seem to be FAR better at the whole "trust me, it WILL get back to them" backchannel thing. But even when it's a cheating husband/betrayed wife, I do think that things get back to the wayward husband about the improvements that the wife is making back at home.
I also believe that you can demonstrate your changes during the brief encounters you have with them, as Denver describes in his most recent post. Not only in how you directly interact with them, but in how you allow them to see you interacting with others (your kids, your friends, neighbors, her family/friends, etc.).
If my wayward wife sees me being a great listener, empathetic and charming towards other women at, say, a block party (or if she gets wind that I was), it will register that I've made positive changes . . . without me having to charm HER while she's cheating on me.
