On one side there's AJ, with advanced personal growth, but a possible loss of his W forever. On the other is you, with advanced personal growth and the possibility that you and your W will pull through. I don't know where I'll fall in that spectrum.
Hmm.. I see this a little differently. T and I have the same thing in common - we both let go and let them figure out what they are going to do. Personally, I held on as long as I could, but honestly, she tried really hard to burn the relationship down. Really hard. She'd like to think I cheated on her or got one over on her or whatever it is she makes up these days. It changes, so I can guess whatever I want and be just as accurate.
But you'll notice in all of these stories that we all get to a point where we realize we have to let them go to take their trip. I wish my ex lots of luck and good fortune in her next marriage (this weekend I believe). I really do. But I will not waste a moment on her nor will I talk to her. In that sense, she is lost forever. I do not want her back. I want her to be well. I want my life to continue and to be wanted.
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I do want someone in my life. I'm pretty certain of that these days, but I just don't know what my expectations are for what void they will fill. I'm not aching for a physical partner so much as I'm aching for someone to just talk too. My apprehension comes from knowing that I'm not afraid to be honest and I don't want someone to get too close to me in the event that any baggage I may have might cause harm to someone I don't want to hurt.
Right. I know exactly what you're saying, but I have to say that at this point, I'm not really interested in taking on somebody else. I did for quite a while. Even was pondering if I wanted more kids.
To tell the truth, I like not being tied down. It's refreshing after the past several years. Those years were oppressive and I let them become depressing. I allowed them to go on for far longer than I would have liked. In my case, as in many, I needed to know what her decision was going to be. Less than 6 months after the divorce was finalized, I found out what I knew all along. There is no going back.
Friends? If the last 1000 days is any indication, that won't be possible with this woman. It's taken a long time to get to the point where I can say that easily. Where I don't get up in the morning and it is my first thought every day. Some days perhaps, but more often than not, it is not.
It's crazy. They try to stay inserted in your life in some cases. Mine did/does. It was not what I expected and it took a while to figure out exactly what I wanted and that there was no hope. There was, in my case, no hope because I refused after a certain point. Regardless of her back and forth.
You may not have to worry about that back and forth inconsistent behavior. That would be a blessing.
Keep going. Don't try so hard, but rather let it happen. Just give yourself permission and realize that the grieving you need to do will occur when it will. Not when you tell it to.
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
