You're allowed to take a break from the situation for now.
And I suppose being with your dad through this helps a bit to put it in perspective. I know for me, while I was getting divorced, my best friend was having to put her husband (who has early-onset dementia from a traumatic brain injury) into a nursing home. It really helped me to keep my perspective - after all, I was just getting a divorce, it wasn't the end of the world.
Think strategically about divorce (if it comes to that). It's a business deal, in the end. If you have to "play nice" for a few more months in order to drag it out to ten years before filing, do so - it may really help you financially down the road. If ex cannot refinance the house in his name (I don't know how he could if he's going to be discharged in November - he wouldn't have the steady income they want to see to qualify) then you will have to sell it (are you underwater?). Start saving money anywhere you can - even a friendly divorce costs money. Check out the Dave Ramsey website for budgeting ideas.
Could you afford to move out if ex got a roommate to help pay the mortgage? If so, moving out now (so long as you can delay the divorce filing to January) might be a good move to help your H face the reality of the consequences of his actions.
