No, it's a good point. I actually stopped drinking for about 60 days at the beginning of the year because 1) I felt I was using it to cope and 2) my anger and frustration bubbled to the surface after a couple. I don't think either of those is true today, but I do know that after a few it's 10X harder to be patient, or act upbeat and happy in the face of OM discussions, or steer the conversation away from negativity. I still think I'm successful a lot of the times, but 1 bad night can't throw us off the edge of the cliff right now, so it's probably not a bad thing to cut out until we're on solid ground.
And honestly, no booze may help me get that last little bit of fat off my belly in the next few months, so it's a win win
One other thing I wanted to mention here that I'm unsure of. W is constantly complaining about my behavior in the first 5-10 years of our marriage and eventually I took a stand and said "I'm done apologizing for the same thing over and over." During our retrov weekend a woman said that her husband apologized 1000 times, and she didn't really hear it the first 999. My W reminded me of that this morning. I'm really starting to feel like she may need to hear it repeatedly for it to sink in, but I'm afraid it's a slippery slope. I really don't have a problem giving her the repeated apology for mistakes long past, but I don't want it to backfire on me. She hasn't really accepted responsibility for her part in our problems, and hasn't really even apologized for her relationship with OM.
Breakdown: Wanted to chime in here on two points....the first is the drinking....I never really thought mine was a problem either, but decided I would quit for a few reasons...it was unneccesary, it would help me drop a few and maybe most importantly it can lead to moodiness....not just at the time when your drinking but in general it can make you more moody and thats a problem for me anyway so I gave it up.
As for the apologizing thing....I feel the same way that I can't continue to apologize for the same things over and over, its in the past we have to move one. With that being said i've never heard anything like the 999 times thing and its somewhat eye opening to me. My advice is this, and its for me and for you....when you apologize make it specific...not a general im sorry for not treating you the way you should have been treated....but as much as you can remember apologize for the specific events. And secondly write it down...on paper or in an email and send it to her so that she can read it as often as she needs to hear it.
I haven't read your whole sitch so I can't tell you if thats a great idea right now or not....in my case i'd love to do it, but am not willing to put anything to email or paper that can shed me in a bad light at all later in case we end up in court. If she files papers im gonna fight her for custody of my S11 so although I don't need to apologize for anything thats illegal like domestic violence or anything like that...i'd hate for her lawyer to have a laundry list on paper of things that I felt i'd done wrong as a husband and father to use against me if/when we end up in a custody battle. So i'll write it, but she won't see it, at least not for now.
