(((Val))) you sound much better my old friend. We have been at this for a bit. When you agree with the terminologies you can say you have detached. Stop letting those things bother you. Spinn with the earth and give yourself to the universe. You are so worth it. It trully does get better after a while. Once you begin to remember what a great human being you once were and how much better you can be. It has been painful I know. Wouldn't change this for anything. Sounds crazy right? But because of this mess I'm doing things that I would never have dreamt of. Don't get me wrong still have ups and downs but the hopelessness and helplessness are pretty much gone. Time to live and love Freedom.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Val, making the decision and following through is freeing. At least it is taking the step that has been looming for so long.
Be cautious, read and understand everything you’re agreeing to. I have known people that have damaged themselves rushing to get to the other side. It is the business aspects I am speaking of. I know the feelings around “irreconcilable differences” and I agree, but this is not a reason I could use to mitigate the decision to proceed.
A scouting report from the other side must include that the grass is not greener, but it is my grass. I alone am responsible for maintaining and enjoying it. There is some cycling, but again that cycling is mine to control, always was.
My experiences, others on this site and on the alt indicate the Xs never really leave completely. At least we are more in control of our interactions with them and those interactions have more to do with how interlaced our lives were. YMMV. My mileage? Well she is Grandma.
A couple of friends have reported and I can confirm that we eventually get to a point where watching our X spew develops a soap opera like quality.
You have come far and grown much in adversity. It is a testament to your character. I know you’ll gracefully navigate your path on Saturday. Never the less I will be thinking and praying for you this weekend.
You are wise to surround yourself with friends and activities. Be present with them and draw strength from the distractions offered by your GAL activities.
((((Val))))
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Val, making the decision and following through is freeing. At least it is taking the step that has been looming for so long.
Be cautious, read and understand everything you’re agreeing to. I have known people that have damaged themselves rushing to get to the other side. It is the business aspects I am speaking of. I know the feelings around “irreconcilable differences” and I agree, but this is not a reason I could use to mitigate the decision to proceed.
A scouting report from the other side must include that the grass is not greener, but it is my grass. I alone am responsible for maintaining and enjoying it. There is some cycling, but again that cycling is mine to control, always was.
My experiences, others on this site and on the alt indicate the Xs never really leave completely. At least we are more in control of our interactions with them and those interactions have more to do with how interlaced our lives were. YMMV. My mileage? Well she is Grandma.
A couple of friends have reported and I can confirm that we eventually get to a point where watching our X spew develops a soap opera like quality.
You have come far and grown much in adversity. It is a testament to your character. I know you’ll gracefully navigate your path on Saturday. Never the less I will be thinking and praying for you this weekend.
You are wise to surround yourself with friends and activities. Be present with them and draw strength from the distractions offered by your GAL activities.
((((Val))))
Just want to point out. Sometimes the "grass is greener" on the other side, because you got yourself onto the wrong side.
Week continues to get harder. Just trying to breathe through it.
W asked for some stuff to finalize the Property Settlement Agreement.
The list is pretty well split up. There are things that I want taken off the list. A laptop that no longer works, the camping gear that I owned before her....
... but these seem moot. I know I'm holding on there.
But also on the list is our 2 cats and although I have been mentally and physically been preparing to let them go (haven't seen them in a year)... I don't feel like they are stuff.
I feel like I'm giving up my rights to "my children".
Maybe this is my last desperation to hang on to something that was.
Maybe I am hesitant cause one day I will regret giving them to her.
I don't know guys. This is all soo very hard.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I hear you it is very hard. But it is time to put your heart in a box and on a shelve. Just for now. You have to put on your business hat or you will regret things later. Sounds cold I get it but it is divorce. Be strong Val. You got this!!!!
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Week continues to get harder. Just trying to breathe through it.
W asked for some stuff to finalize the Property Settlement Agreement.
Keep your eye on the prize, = FREEDOM and forward movement...this^^^ "stuff" is "stuff" and that is minutiae. Like a squid squirts ink into your eyes...don't let it blind you.
Big picture stuff my friend, BIG PICTURE....that's where you keep looking.
The list is pretty well split up. There are things that I want taken off the list. A laptop that no longer works, the camping gear that I owned before her....
... but these seem moot. I know I'm holding on there. correct
But also on the list is our 2 cats and although I have been mentally and physically been preparing to let them go (haven't seen them in a year)... I don't feel like they are stuff. They are not stuff---TRUE....and yet, you have not seen them in a year. Does not mean you don't care--I KNOW but it does mean they are alright without you.... Sweetie, trust me there are dogs and cats who'd LOVE to belong to you, in shelters all around. Start new...(And maybe get a breed that doesn't shed)
I feel like I'm giving up my rights to "my children".
Maybe this is my last desperation to hang on to something that was.
Maybe so...or a little bit of anger and wanting things to be "more even"....as if
But BIG PICTURE---you are the "winner" here anyhow. Not b/c of what SHE does or does not do...
but b/c of what YOU have done. /color] Maybe I am hesitant cause one day I will regret giving them to her.
I don't know guys. This is all soo very hard.
[color:#CC0000] Well, it's true that you may have some regrets later.... Really, I get that...and I'd have the same damn fears if I were you.
But I know the regret you will NOT have is that you were petty or mean.
On the contrary, you really did step UP to the plate of pain, w/grace and dignity. That you grew UP, and that outwardly your inner growth showed.
That's more important, & it's a pretty good trade, isn't it?
Go be happy, my friend.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
you are the person who has figured out how to survive in the toughest business in the toughest town..
you have not only figured out how to survive but how to continue to SUCCEED and PROGRESS in that business.
you have taken the challenge of looking honestly and openly at yourself and changing what needed to change
you have taken your pain and did not let it define you in any way, but instead you USED it to not only GROW but to help others (and I am but one of many)
YOU are ready...
You will feel, but you know that you will survive, and continue to GROW...
you deserve so so much VAL.. your W does not know what she is doing, rarely in this world and especially in this town do we find someone who LOVES like you do..
and the ability to love like that is TRUE STRENGTH
STRENGTH that is with you this Saturday and EVERY day.. and will get you through, not only Saturday, but EVERY day!!
((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Come back and post if you need more support and re-assurance. Reflect on how far you have come along.
Keep the PMA going.
(((hugs to you)))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
