I must say I'm pretty proud of myself today. Yesterday, despite my brain's screaming to "try something" or "do something" I did nothing in regards to trying to get closer to WAW. I was even able to eek out a pretty good night hanging out with my puppy, chatting with my brother on the phone about football, and catching up on some TV shows I'd fallen behind on.
Plus, I had some more time to think about my "experiment" that I've been doing for the last few days, and time to reflect on the actions I've taken over the last few weeks and the "results" of those actions.
One of the things that came up has to do with the last time I actually initiated contact. A couple weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and decided to send her a quick text letting her know that I was thinking about her that morning, as I knew that she had a VERY difficult day ahead of her personally. She responded to that text, letting me know the circumstances that were going to cause her AWFUL day had changed. She thanked me for the thoughts and told me we'd catch up soon.
Then, at 1:00 that morning, I got the email about her hearing the song on the radio... Her reaching out, unsolicited, telling me about an intimate moment of her day, mirroring the "thinking of you" sentiment I'd sent earlier that day... Sure her email carried more of a melancholy tone, but I was able to check off another short term goal from my list.
I haven't reached out to her in that way again since that exchange a couple weeks ago. But I think that will change tonight. More on that later.
The other thing that I examined last night was the last R talk we had... If you're caught up on my sitch, it was the one about a month back where I took the bait and kinda blew up over the "Why Didn't You Fight For Me" comment...
The results of that were kinda mixed. After that, she defriended me on FB and sent an email saying that she didn't see us ever finding happiness in each other, but she knew we were meant to be in each others lives... However, looking back a bit, I think me showing such emotion and letting so many of my feelings be known might have ended up being a positive thing. First off, our conversations since then have been squarely set in the present and future. Secondly, aside from the "Defriending" incident, it hasn't effected the frequency of our conversations. It HAS affected the tone, as I now realize she's stopped with her "XOXO" tags on her texts and stays unresponsive to the little flirts. So again, that was a mixed bag. At first, I thought it was going to be an apocalyptic backslide, but I can now see a few positives over that situation.
Anyway, after thinking about these things, especially the results of my last initiation of contact a couple weeks back, I've decided to continue that particular experiment later today/tonight. I'm planning on writing her an email about a really vivid dream I had last night (something we used to do quite a bit early in our relationship) and update on the puppy and kitty, and a wish of good luck for her job interview tomorrow morning... Although by strict DB standards, this will be seen as "pursuing" behavior, I'm going to go off the tracks a bit and trust my IC and "Monitoring of Results" this time...
Unless of course one of you fine folks talks me out of it! I'm planning on writing the email over lunch and saving it as draft, so I can re-read it this evening before bed to edit it down and fire it off.
