Stronger

[mishka422]

It's not even either of those. All I really want is to know that he considers our R as an exclusive one and a promise to talk with me if he is feeling dissatisfied. Is that too much to ask?

Yes, he shows me in actions that he is in for a long haul but he nearly always did that. There were no real warnings when he jumped ship before. I don't trust what I see with my own eyes. Of course, I don't really trust words either. I'm just hoping that by putting it out there that I need some reassurance that he may be more forthcoming with his feelings in the future.

Frankly, I'm terrified of his reaction to me even asking this of him. My mouth goes dry and I start to shake while trying to come up with this conversation in my head. I can see his probable reaction and it's not good at all. He doesn't like to be questioned about his intentions, his plans, or his feelings. I'm supposed to just accept that he's here for now...period. That's what he's told me before. I just don't think I can keep living like that. It feels like the other shoe is going to drop at any time and I'll have no warning again. I won't survive that again.