Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[keep_going]

I don't ever see a time when pursuit can be justified, as long as their is still an active affair going on. If "too much distance" was indeed a prior marital complaint, then the betrayed spouse can (and should) address that when the affair ends and they enter the Piecing phase.

Before my bomb, I would have agreed with this 100%.

Yet, my H's affair and our separation has now lasted 20 months. He has not ONCE hesitated or expressed doubts about his decision. OW is his soulmate, blah, blah, blah and he just does not see us ever reconnecting romantically.
He says OW makes him happy and they are good for each other.
Their affair is only getting stronger now that they are public and very serious in their R.

One of the main issues in our M was that my H felt unapprecaited and abandoned. We also fought a lot and I had a short fuse.
His needs were NOT met by me and OW has done a great job at meeting them.

So if I wait to address the distance issue until the affair ends, I might never get a chance, since that R is only getting stronger every day.
In other words, if I just detach and go dim, then he will never see changes and get to believe that I can meet his needs better than OW. His decisions to leave will be validated by my "doing more of the same" by keeping my distance.

From what I understood in this thread, Denver's W returned when she trusted him and came to believe he could meet her needs better than OM.

So my dilemma is how would I be able to show a stubborn, resolute H that our M can work by going dark and detaching, thus leaving OW to continue fulfilling his every need.

On the other hand, I am not saying I will let him come and go as he pleases or that I would sleep with him if he wanted to. That is a personal boundary I would enforce. So where do I draw the line and how can I reconnect?

I hope I am making sense here. This is something I have been struggling with for a long time - boundaries vs. doing something different. I am glad it's being addressed in this great thread and I would welcome any feedback or further opinions anyone else may have.