DB Bootcamp - dawnmarie and zig et al

[albamarie]

Hi zig - you can call me Dawn...it's my favorite time of day!

Fear is my biggest hurdle, so I always try to keep my eyes open - really listen and pay attention to signs around me. I love those big ones...you know when everything you do feels like your hitting a road block until your like "ok" I get it.

Thanks for sharing your storie with me...your right once you just do it the fear seems almost silly. The one thing i have pushed through is detaching ( a little) even a small amount does feel good.

I really took the M life to heart...full force that's who i was...that was my mistake because i did loose myself. oh yea, I told myself i was who I am, mom, W, D, friend, but no, I left out me and became the titles.

I am holding the fort down and they do take me for granted...sometimes I feel silly watching everyone walk out the door GAL in front of me.

Thanks for the book idea...I downloaded it to my Kindle last night.

As far as support goes I have my parents who listen and want for me what ever I choose. I don't really consider them very "supportive" because I try to keep them at a distance...not like how I would share with a good friend.

My two closest friends....one is single can't relate, can't take the pressure of it all. The other has her own H in MLC and is in denial.

My S23 comes to me every couple of days asking if I'm ok...what's the latest. I don't burden them though...the biggest support I get from them is company, laughter, even there teasing is a welcome change from being in my head.

I was very depressed to the point of starving ( i lost 9lb in 2wks) dizziness, walking around like a zombie constantly going over things in my head...which caused anxiety.

I've come out of the worst of it around July after finding this forum. My D18 took me shopping to replace all of my "mom" shorts, my H's oversized t's, and I discovered I like tank tops.

I spoke to a counselor 3 wks ago and he really clarified for me that I need to leave H alone. So I listened and found that it helped me so much not to be on his tail 24/7. I need constant counseling though (i'm sure) so I will work on that.

You said you still face- what to do with yourself - I thinks that's great that you have the mind frame developed to be alone at times. It must be hard with a young one around.

I am going to look into the fall activities coming up in our village...that is my favorite time of year.

A part time job is first on my goal list. Something fun where I can meet people, be friendly, have a reason to dress nice...money is not the goal here. Some responsibility that I put on myself for myself would be the growing experience I think would help me detach from all my titles...and come back happier at the end of the day.

This is will be my first goal...and others should trail in behind with a little luck and focus.

You have made me think about myself all day today...I was 180 from H...and he noticed. On my thread there is also a message of "just do it" GAL, you vets come straight forward from experience....sharing this as many of your are still working on "you"...is your greatest gift you bring here. Thank you!