telling my story of the cuckoo

[forward]

"...codependent behavior with an emotionally abusive man. And since you were in a physically abusive relationship before, I'm worried that you're too codependent and/or blind to see it."

Yes.

Now. If you are a serious professional, then you need to find subjects with whom you don't have an emotional attachment, right? Because it's not exactly a

Also, regarding his IQ--who cares. I am a lot less interested in smarts now than I am in emotional intelligence, stability, and kindness (although New Guy is smarter than X, grin). I kind of felt that way about X--he was sooo special and talented--and felt I was special and the one who understood him, and the one who'd help him out of his crisis, blah blah. I now realize that I was waaaay too involved, waaay too parental, kind of narcissistic about HIS accomplishments, and too much of a crutch for him.

Now PF, you have a consistent message from folks who've been here: back off. Stop obsessing. Stop reading his FB. Stop answering his calls. Enjoy what is the peaceful silence and get comfortable with it.

But, since we've been here and some of us are old timers, if we're totally honest, we know it's hard to do, and it takes a while to detach emotionally to someone who's been in your life for so many years. Even if they have gone nuts. You need to stay safe, period. So that's the priority. Now you need to make it your goal to stop obsessing about him, stop checking FB and answering his calls and making up excuses to "study" him.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some little daily rewards, like some sort of treat for every day you have true lack of contact--and that includes Facebook, missy (wagging finger).

It's OK to grieve. But let it be your private grief. Take care of yourself. You need it. More than HE does.