Looking for something to keep me fighting

[workinghardguy]

I've been at this awhile now so I'll offer this advice... if it's a custody fight and time with your kids is threatened then yes, go scorch earth if you have to.

But at all times consider that you will be tied to her forever, and your kids are in the middle. What they want most of all is mom and dad together. If they can't have that then what they want is mom and dad who can work together for their needs. That's all they care about, their own needs and that's okay because they are kids.

If it has to be scorched earth then it has to be. But there are other ways to do it too. Divorce is a business transaction and it doesn't have to be about grounding the other out of existence. If she is intent on that then you have to defend yourself.

It isn't about "making nice". It's about showing your kids that a) adults can resolve differences without resorting to base instincts and b) compassion and forgiveness are powerful forces.

But you have to find your compassion and forgiveness for that to work. And trust me... that's really damn hard to do.