if she once said d8 can go w/you to your country (which I assume is the UK or USA?) then why not take her up on it NOW?
B/C you don't want to separate them? But they are separate NOW AND if it doesn't change soon
YOU will the one who is separated from d8 for good. If she goes off with OM in
some form, he'll see she misses her d and she'll want d8 w/her and OM will probably miss his kids so your d will be a nice substitute. Don't scoff, a lot of exes become "great" step parents as they forget their own kids.
Mostly I think it's shame with their former families and feeling like heroes with their new ones.
My mc spoke to me years ago about dating and the navigation of it with kids.
His advice struck me as very sound.
He said once you begin truly dating, you don't just introduce your kids to everyone you date. In fact, only if you find someone you are '3/4' of the way sure that something permanent could happen with the new person, THEN you introduce the kidsAND the kids have 'reasonable veto' power.
= If the OM/OW does not get along with the kids (and it's not b/c the kids still want an impossible reconciliation or a weird belief) but an actual conflict in personalities, the kids win."
This prevents the kids from meeting a parade of new people in their newly single parent's lives, auditioning for the role of stepchild OR stepparent.
It increases the child's belief that THEIR happiness is the priority of both their parents.
Nope, I don't think your wife will react well to that advice so STFU, but I'm passing it on to YOU in case it comes up for YOU.
Oh, And definitely stop the judging of their time together. It does NOT help your d to see that or feel it--it may well hurt her feelings and it smacks of the old Arsene you don't want to be. Besides, you think teaching her math is all that fun? Really?
You're putting yourself in the position of professor and she's student and that's that...my father thought that's what dads did...but he never PLAYED with us. Maybe your w is compensating AND besides, you don't know all the stuff they do or talk about b/c you are not there. Anyhow...
I'm very sorry about the custody problems there with the law. Seems you might want to act on your wife's good feelings/guilt, etc
while you can. Think about it.
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
