Quote: That I helped him write his books and articles even when it was detrimental to my work/health/education? That I was so supportive of his accomplishments/career that I understood when he did not come home when I had heart surgery? That I put up with his sister saying horrible things about me just to make his relationship with her easier? That I pray each day that God give me the pain that is too much for him to bear, and to please help him? You see the truth is that I love this man so very much and I am so scared for him, not for me. So sometimes I get frustrated/scared/angry when he seems just dead inside, when he speaks of crazy things and ending it all, about how he feels as though he is walking around in a fog, and does not care about anything, or see any point in continuing, when he just continuously tears me down with comments about my low IQ, my inability to think, my stupidity, my being old, my being weak, my being irresponsible, my having friends who are trash, my attracting men who are bas****s, my being a B, C**t, Wh**e, my not being a scholar of equal calibur, my being so weak I let others hurt me, my crying too easily, my being unhealthy and fat-at 135, my turning my back on him, my not being faithful to him etc.
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Kml, those comments were made during the nuclear spewing and recur at random times when he thinks I am moving too far from him or I have caught him in a lie. Believe me if I thought he was well I would have torn his head off when he said those things, and he never did when he was well.
Really? So you helping him to the detriment of your health and career only happened during his brief episodes of craziness? Him not coming home to be with you while you had freakin' HEART SURGERY was only during a temporary moment of madness? Him tolerating his sister saying terrible things about you only happens when he's gone temporarily insane? He never calls you stupid fat or old when he's NOT crazy?
Look - we all know WASs can say and do crazy things. And your fiancee is WAY crazier than most. But it sure sounds to me like you are describing a pattern of codependent behavior with an emotionally abusive man. And since you were in a physically abusive relationship before, I'm worried that you're too codependent and/or blind to see it.
Really - the university wouldn't hire you because they feared a bloody act of domestic violence on their campus from him if they did - doesn't that tell you something???
Yes, he may be suffering from depression or brain damage or lord knows what else - but if he's not willing to get help, there's nothing you can do right now except GET YOURSELF to a safe place. Don't taunt him, provoke him, engage him in fights, try to make him jealous - none of that. He's dangerous.
