Thanks ladies...I did dump/vent a bit here because I knew that I didn't want to say all that to him and I needed to work through it. It's tough on the one hand my girlfriends IRL (in real life) are like just email him he can't just come over whenever he wants. But I know that my long term goal of us having a friendship is that maybe this has to happen on his terms. I did tear his heart out and then flipped the script.
So.....no I'm not going to have that conversation. I am going to say I saw you had the MRI, I hadn't even heard they'd scheduled it...I know I've been really busy lately but we should make it a point to chat more. And just be warm and friendly.
This is of course all the same complaints I had when he was my H. His lack of vulnerability, his unavailability, his lack of communication about silly things if he was working late etc. And that's what's making me angry. this is who he is..in a relationship, in a marriage, in a friendship. Not the first year of course.
After we split and we were roommates if I was depending on him for something I stopped being nice and was like you would tell your mom if you were going to be late, or your boss, or your friends so where exactly do I rank here?? it's common courtesy.
Which was something I told him again and again I stopped getting common courtesy in the relationship years before I walked. And I don't get it now. I'm opening myself up to more of the same.
Would I stay friends with someone who treated me that way....no. Or I would at least think if that's the level of friendship they're offering then don't expect anything more. And yet as usual if I do want the friendship, just like if I wanted the marriage, I have to do the work, be the better person, put my feelings aside.
The woman I want to be would of course hang out with him, but none of this would bother her.
