Lots of questions and a good deal of doubt.

[MrBond]

"It is hard to talk about as it was a huge FAIL on my part."

Yes but you seem to keep forgetting that. She felt the same way you're feeling now, however, you're getting impatient and almost demanding in what she SHOULD be doing. Were you that conscience of her feelings before she left? Were you that conscience of her feelings when you were drunk, on meds, or going through PTSD?

She had to deal with all that and you're p*ssed because she didnt' send you pictures?

This is why she doesn't want to get back together with you. You need to fix yourself first before she can think of going back together with you. Right now she sees you as the same damaged person as before. That's why MC won't work. You MUST get IC for yourself first to get yourself right.

You majorly criticize her and actually made what you did sound sympathetic.

She doesn't deserve you? REally? What part doesn't she deserve? The alcoholic? The one with PTSD? The one with the drug issues? The one with the short temper? You're not making yourself sound like a catch.

That is called a dose of reality for you.

Get an IC right away and get healthy. She will see that and will maybe change her mind.

But if you're M isn't worth it to you to put in the effort, then you might as well draw up the papers yourself. Because you're driving your M straight off the cliff.