just got back from airport- you sound like you're having a bit of a crisis there with this all. it does feel like alot of pressure to "detach now" and gal "now", etc. i feel scared alot of the time about living alone too. I don't even have kids. my closest sister died in '08 & now person i planned to spend my life with is spinning out of control mlc. i just don't know- any answers really- i just feel like you described exactly and i even worked for 25 years. so, i think you (and I) can step out of your home any time you want and there will be a surprising lot of things and things to do out there that you just don't happen to know about rite now. it's just a matter of waking up one day and feeling like maybe testing the water.
i surprisingly & accidentally took a 2-month job last week- totally unexpected. i didn't even ask anyone what they thought or even thought it thru myself. it just dropped into my lap- i went and said okay. i still don't even want to think about any long range implication or outcome. shut off brain- put on makeup and go in the morning. only have done a couple days - can't even believe i did it. i don't even know the job- they'll train me they say. just feels good to do something new- learn something new- be someone different- etc.
if a blob-fest like me can surprise herself- then you can too. i think the right thing will drop in your face or wop you on the head and you'll do it if the time is rite for you.
i'm sounding mighty positive here- hope it lasts. i just don't care at the moment about him and allllllll the "s" - i didn't even ask what he thought - and we were sharing the car when he was here. i just got up- nice as pie- got dressed- went off for the day and came home. he didn't volunteer his opinion and i didn't ask.
it's been a wierd visit- he was very unusually nice - this makes me very unusually suspicious unfortunately. i didn't say anythng. ow is still in the picture i'm sure- it still makes me sick to think about- am trying not to. when he leaves and i know he'll see her i really would like to drive over him with this damn car. oops- sorry, was that vicious? i don't know how to conquer that -
you know- that other bit last week or two ago about detaching and not inflating his ego by standing by while he has an affair) and you sayng you are standing and fighting, etc. i just want to tell you- my reaction was total mortification and disgust about his affair- and i heard daddy & his position about confirming it - BUT - i have to say that like you - i also felt"why the heck would i just lay down and die and let this jerk take my life away and me just hand it right over". somehow walking away seemed a hell of alot like just giving him his way and skulking away like a little beaten puppy. or something like that- i don't know where that comes down in this all. i hate this being patient stuff- i'm doig it but i don't have to like it. it just felt like the wrong thing to do- walk out for effect - my entire adult life was involved with this man and this relationship- you don't turn off 34 years of love like a faucet. it's complicated for women - very vry very
i am not at all okay with his affiar- he knows i hate it- i don't say it anymore- i do hate it alot and constantly tho. i don't know that anything is gained by walking right away other than giving him carte blanche to make me the bad guy and go right ahead and there i am- the guy alone. did that make sense to you? it's personal- a friend of mine had similar sitch - don't know resolution- but she said after a few years of therapy- tranquilizers - lawyers - her therapist who'd been divorced three times- just said to her- "think long and hard before you walk away from this long life with this guy - what are you walking away TO??? it will be you on your own- is that better? she didn't walk away- i keep thinking of that woman's comment. it's you and me who would be walking away to "what???"
my life was like yours- this great companion- great home life- everything i needed in life in one place. til he quit smoking- went mlc-nuts. michele's description fit our sitch exactly- so i'm thinking it's the problem here.
it just [censored] and is awful- so you feel like you do. it's not your lack of work experience, etc.- it's the giant sinkhole they've dumped us in with this crap. - oh well- just a thought. maybe what you feel and i feel is just what we have to feel til we begin to feel something else?
you saying let him go "figuratively" - well, what the hell does that mean really??? maybe they want to be young and single and free of responsibility- well, who the hell doesn't? they are greedy- i think - but just knowing it doesn't help does it? i think that my h wants "it all" too- but then he doesn't go anywhere. no one has a gun to their heads making them stay around us. plenty of people clear the hell out- if these guys are staying i just don't know what the heck to think of them. they are screwed up and don't know it- but just self-indulgent jerks- and floundering around. and hurting perfectly good women who love(ed) them-. i'm trying to get accustomed to the idea i may end up alone and may not like this man (or what he's turned into) at the end of the day-
it's touch and go. i don't think you need to decide anything this very moment as he's giving you the "time" advantage- and my h is too (and continues to i hope). in our own time i think we'll come to the right mvoes for ourselves- i have no idea what they wll be - but don't feel badly for wanting to fight for what you had - my jury is out on whether or not the men we love are "still in there".
