To Lovingly Detach

[Arsene]

Funny how we seem to be cheering each other up. Thanks mate. I feel better now.

I was coming here to say how I'm probably not as detached as I thought since W can still do and say things which will affect me.

Today, W got here in the afternoon and the first thing that affected me was the fact that she had apparently gotten a lift here(I imagine from OM). Nonetheless, we spent the day together with D8, driving around on the motorbike looking for houses. W kind of suggested it and off we went. We actually had a good time as a family and the mood was light. We eventually found a house and it felt really weird as I felt like W was actually excited about it. Of course, as it probably helps for us to look married to rent the house in this country, we kind of behaved "as if" and I guess I started thinking that maybe she was reconsidering things and thought that this might be a good home for "us" whenever she feels ready (yeah, I know. I feel like a total idiot now). Mind you, other than being in a reasonably happy mood, I didn't express or hint at any of this.

We got back to my boarding house and then I sensed that W wanted to talk but we were never able to get away from D8 so nothing was said in the end and the mood between us became a bit awkward (I really need to look up these convo starters). Another thing which affected me is that she spent a lot of time on her cell phone receiving loads of text messages. I know that they could be from anyone but again, I let myself dragged down over that (I guess I need to get back to my meditation). Mind you, a happy thought was that if it was OM, W is on a very short leach, and that might be good for my sitch (a guy's got to have dreams).

Finally, D8 was very moody (she usually is when W is around) and when I put her to bed, (W was washing her clothes and I was alone with D8)she started crying and telling me how she missed her mom. W eventually came in the room and saw that so she came closer and cuddled and talked to D8 until she fell asleep. She then expressed that both D8 and W needed one another and that although she knew I was against D8 being bounced from one home to the next, she thought she should take D8 a few nights a week when she finds a suitable boarding house. I didn't say anything, either way. Then she said she thought I was afraid of what might happen to D8 if W took her once in a while. I said I wasn't and said that we'd think about it and see. Then I said I was tired and asked her to leave, perhaps a bit too hastily.

Of course I worry about what would happen to D8 if she were to spend a few nights a week at W's boarding house. This is no longer the tender loving person who used to be a member of our family. This woman thinks that it's ok for D8 to hang out with her mom's boyfriend, while dad is at home. She thinks it's ok to pick D8 form school with her boyfriend. She's replaced the love, care and attention she used to have for her D8 with toys and candies. She breaks her word (and D8's heart) every other day by not showing up when she said she would or by being late and when she is with D8, she either sleeps while D8 plays alone or puts her in a ride on her own at the local attraction park and sits at some food stall texting her friends (boyfriend?).

But what can I do about it? W told me not to worry, that D8 loved me to bits and that I would always be her favorite guy (to me that sounds like she's already planning to go meet OM with my D8).

I'm gutted. I guess I wasn't all that detached after all. Or is it just a relapse?