Thanks you are right. I know that I have a tendency to try to hard when doing things I believe in. I need to get to the place where I can practice my DB while not worrying if I am doing all the right things or over analyzing my sitch. This will be better for me, and will probably make my DBing more effective.
I am trying to figure out how I can disconnect myself from my sitch, maybe then things will come a little easier.
As for the IC, before my separation I was seeing a MD psych. This was mostly for medication management as a result of PTSD from my time in the Army. (Side note, W complained that meds I was on at the time "changed" me. She is not the only one who said this, and I have since stopped taking meds and I am doing fine.) With the Doc there was not a lot of actual counseling, mostly just general mood questions.
I know I need to seek an IC and I have a ton of resources to do so as my parents are both mental health professionals. I have received some names but have not pursued IC any further. I need to do that.
With my drinking my W biggest complaint was the fact that I would go out and not come home until late. I was not an every day drinker, more of a binge alcoholic (2 to 3 times a month). I would go out for a couple drinks and take it way too far.
One of the things my W and I used to do together was to meet friends out, have a few drinks and play pool. At some point I became unhappy with going home at a reasonable time or when W wanted to leave. My W got to the point where she felt uncomfortable going out with me. I began going out by myself. Part of the problem was the medication I was on as it intensified the effects of alcohol. 99% of the problem was with me.
I have begun AA to help work through this problem and have maintained my sobriety. W insisted that I stop drinking if we ever were going to have a chance to R, so this is what I must do. So far so good.
I don't know if she will see the change in my behavior since I have stopped drinking, but this is truly for me and my boys. She knows I have stopped taking meds.
It is hard to talk about as it was a huge FAIL on my part.
Me:27 W:30 S1:3y/o S2:8m/o T:5 M:3 Bomb:5/16/12 W moved out:5/16/12
