Whoa Whoa Whoa-It seems some of you are misinterpreting what I wrote-again likely my usual speed of movement. I said I have kids-2dogs that I have to be mother and father to now, not that I have human children. If I was not clear somehow about that I am sorry. I thought I was clear.
As to this being "NOT part of your educational genius dance with another brilliant guy" I think it is in many ways. I am dealing with a man with a verified IQ over 200 easily. And it is part of my job to analyze behavior-an occupational hazard-where I crawl into the head and soul of the person to figure out their next move or motivation, explain why they did things to a jury and judge, predict future criminal behavior, predict future aggressive-even military behavior, and predict behaviors related to PTSD, and I am paid very handsomely to do those things by the government, prosecution, defense attorneys, and law enforcement authorities. And I understand well the risks both mental and physical to myself of participating in analyzing such activities using this method. But I also know exactly where the line is so that I can step back from it when it gets too dangerous or all encompassing-hence my choice to take a week off from being in contact with him.
So what seems to be obsessive behavior to some is really my method of detaching-I am treating him like a subject not the man I love. I assure you that I spend less than 30 minutes a day on him, clear my thoughts here, and then return to my job, my life and my outside interests. Then the subconcious thinking and sorting occurs. I have always been able to consider a situation before bed, then awaken with an answer in the morning after a good night's sleep. Because of his high IQ and the emotionally charged nature of the relationship I have to plan the contours of what I say to him also just as I do when I speak with a serial killer or drug dealer. It keeps me focused on the task at hand without letting emotion take over or being sidetraced and personalizing the spew. It also gives me the option of an out when things spiral out of control. Again part of detaching for me and treating him like a subject.
It occurs that this method may seem odd to some of you and I understand that. But in my employment, looking at the small details is often the key to understanding bigger things-it is how I have been able to help find victims of crimes, dead bodies, missing children, trafficed persons, trace drug shipment routes, trace drug money, that sort of thing, and most recently work with those who have PTSD. So my method works for me but is at times painful as well.
My goal here is not currently to save my relationship with him necessarily and I have no tears and begging for answers in me. Instead I am studying him as a subject at this point, and the method is only made possible because he is in a fog and cannot think clearly enough to see I am observing his behavior, again part of my healing and detachment.
