More patience??? Really???

[ces67]

You know, Zig, those arms of yours must be getting pretty toned with all the 2x4's you've been swinging! And using my own words on me.... Your ruthless! (in a good way).

Actually, I see my expressing these feelings as another lesson for me. As typical, I've focused much of my anger on the OM because I don't want to be mad at my W. But acknowledging it is the best way to deal with it.

I get what you're saying about forgiveness being a choice. However, I think it has to happen every day over a period of time until I can truly set the burden down. That's the process. I'm a slow learner so dealing with all this takes me a bit of time!

I do choose to be a person who forgives and sets down those unnecessary burdens. The dang thing is just so heavy and cumbersome that setting it down throws me off balance a bit!!

And regarding the view of my idea to set time aside each week to talk (I said "catch up" to my W)... point taken. It really was meant as a way to show an investment of time and commitment to listen and engage with my W. However, after taking a step back (or forced backwards by the blunt trama of an emotional 2x4) I can see how it is trying to move things at my pace and not hers.

She never responded to the txt and never mentioned it last night. I didn't either and just kept the evening casual.

And while I didn't instigate any pillow fights last night, I did take your advice in another way. My W has been reading those "50 Shades" books lately. I don't know much about them except that they're basically a bunch of sex scenes with bad writing in between.... So, I wrote a little note that said "maybe you should mark the sections you like and then give me the book for review", and placed it in the book with her bookmark. We'll see what happens.

Oh, and out of the blue, she slept in our bed with me last night. That's twice since she got back from her summer trip.

I have a meeting with my IC tomorrow morning to help me get through this resentment stuff that keeps creeping up on me. I also got back on schedule with a friend who I talk with every week but had slowed down over the summer due to his teaching schedule.

And Bug - I'm working on the meditation thing too. Even though I got distracted with thoughts this morning, they weren't thoughts of anger so I'll take that as progress!