gotta work on curbing my "impulsive" side a bit here though
That's where you get to practice variations of the 48 hour rule.
Depending on your level of... emotional investment in a possible response... will guide you through how candid or how thoughtful your proceeding post might be... or, you may ultimately end up not posting...
I choose the bold a lot... More than any of y'all may ever know... lol...
Think, just as your sitch... will it help, hurt, or have a completely neutral value?
HEH!!! KD, I remember you told me once I wrote a very long response to you Brit and then deleted it and hoped you get there on your own and you did. LOL!
HEH!!! KD, I remember you told me once I wrote a very long response to you Brit and then deleted it and hoped you get there on your own and you did. LOL!
Yup... it was a great learning opportunity and experience... for both of us... lol...
Feel like hanging on the blanket for awhile? Im a little hungry and could use a swim. Not too dep...just need to float a bit with some thoughts....
The castle keeps on getting in the way of me seeing the blue sky!
((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
i asked h on saturday if s could spend a day with me before he starts school on thursday. he agreed quite eagerly, saying that he had been planning to leave s with sil while he worked anyway
tonight when he called - it was strange because he called and when i picked up he said calling so you can say good night to s - he usually gets s to call me when he's right there. so i chatted a bit and asked how his first day back at uni was and asked if they had decided whether s was coming here tomorrow or wednesday.
he got a bit funny and said that maybe tomorrow because he was going to the school workday, was i going? he's on the facilities committee so its sort of his job to encourage all the parents to come so i joked and said are you trying to talk me into going. he got a bit funny and said well i just call so you could say g'nite to s. so i laughed and said - oh is that your way of saying you're done with the conversation and he said yes and handed the phone to s!!
effing fog!!!
then things didn't go too well with s. i sort of took the stand that s needed to decide which day and he kept telling me that both days were planned with him going with sil, her gf and kid to do fun things. at first i sort of held my ground and then realized that it was making s feel really torn when he said "i want to come to your house, but i really want to do these things too"
so i backed off and lightened the conversation and said that how about he calls me in the morning and lets me know what their plans are.
now i feel pretty bad. i was only selfishly thinking that i have to hang out with s one more day before school starts - because that's what i always did and want to continue doing. but i didn't take what he wants to do into consideration at all.
one more layer of accepting that even if i "plan" in advance for something i would like and get a yes, that doesn't mean that it will happen.
these are the little things especially with s - little traditions that i need to let go of and find new substitutes for them which are different than before.
i'm a little teary-eyed since i realized how i made things feel difficult for s, because of thinking only of what i want. i am going to call first thing in the morning and let him know that he doesn't need to worry about it at all.
on a happier note - mil and two aunts came over today and bought shawls. we had a lovely time together for about an hour and a half. i'm sure h heard all about it . it occurred to me later that he may have had mixed feelings about that and that's why he was abrupt on the phone. it also occurred to me that he felt so vulnerable saturday night with me, and doesn't want to feel that again by talking too long
not trying to mind read, but more to understand where he may be at and be empathetic towards him
i worked hard at thought stopping today. had a couple of triggers - one a really hard on and was really able to stop and let it go. i managed not to think about h or the sitch for way longer periods than before, which is really saying something
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
called h so i could settle things w/ s. as soon as he picked up he apologized for last night
i think he was a bit taken aback when i said that i felt shitty about wanting s to come here and making him feel torn. he kept offering other stuff like couldn't you come hang out with them, and of course s could come here etc. i just focused on what s wanted - which was very much to stay there with his aunt.
he has to stop by late afternoon to pick some stuff up. turns out sil, gf, her d and s are all going to the work day at school which is actually in the evening.
so the conversation went way better than i expected, and after talking to s i feel so much better that i made things okay with him. we ended the conversation giggling, which felt great.
off to work...
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
(nudge, nudge)