so don't even consider that possibility - things like this happen bets, just take it as another test of your endurance. if you can weather this test it will make you stronger and more able to handle the more difficult turns in our lives
bets - maybe your hubby has this need inside of him that says 'i gotta be able to prove to myself that i can do this on my own' - i really think that my husband is going thru this right now - not ever being on his own in his life
so many things can and WILL happen.
are you going to look at this as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to progress???
I agree with everybody else - don't overreact to this. It may have been set in motion a long time ago. Or he may simply look at it as more comfortable in the short run. Whatever. Just don't read more into it and make it more important than it is, because it won't get you closer to your goals. And really, it's not a shock to discover he's still confused, is it???
What if your attitude was DRIPPING with WOW that is WONDERFUL!! I am SOOOOO happy that you are getting more space. That will make your life easier, Blah blah blah.
What would that make him think about YOU?
Seems to be the current theme on the boards right now. As soon as the LBS TOTALLY lets go and goes with the flow, the WAS sits up and takes notice.
You are just bouncing around in my thoughts today.
Betsey, Big hugs to you. I'll second the motion to not over-react. (Though easier said than done.) Hopefully, you are in a sitch like I often get myself in to... you'll get the FULL story and it won't be as bad as you expected. Well, The bright side? You're about to have a lot more clarity to your sitch.
I'll be thinking about you all day, Betsey. Take care.
Brian, Meredith, Water, Cathy, Mike, CBH, Kitti, Ellie and Pamela--
Wow! Thank you all so much for being here this morning. I just got out of a meeting so I'm here a little late.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the positive feedback. Believe me, I spent the better part of my night not sleeping again and mulling the same thoughts over. D9 slept in the bed with me and D6 (who appears to be getting sick) and said she didn't feel well this morning.
I just don't know what to say. We haven't spoken since we got off the phone and I've felt no need to talk to him about this stuff.
I can honestly say that although I'm disappointed, I'm feeling very detached. I also realize that how I handle myself now will either steer this ship in the right direction or away from it. There is no in between.
Water, I have come up with a compromise to being totally enthusiastic about this move. I can muster neutrality and validation, but I don't think I can act as effusive as bubbling with excitement. Nor do I think that's a good idea.
For one, Mr. Wonderful has relied on my feelings and emotions to serve as his temperature gauge (except for this past year). On his way out the door last January, he looked me in the eye and said, "I don't know why you're so upset: this is what you've wanted all along!"
While I admit that I wanted to change our M (and had not found DB/DR yet, sadly), I did NOT want the solution he offered.
If I act like this is what I want, it might serve as proof that I have been acting all along--enough for him to say to himself, "See, I knew she didn't want me."
I did have a chat with him back in October--it's journaled somewhere in my archived threads, but it was an emotional evening where I told him that I loved him, always will and wish him only happiness. This was very tough for me--but I told him that if his happiness really meant that we need to split, I was giving him my blessing.
I got an e-mail letter awhile later. He said he was confused and that my cut and dried offer wasn't the issue--he was contemplating what possibly was in store for him, me and the girls if we did D. This is also the last time I got the spiel about how he is paid to work at work, and doesn't feel he should have to work in a M.
CBH, I am wearing my wedding rings and joining him in activities when he invites me. He knows I want him home. Therefore, I will not do his dirty work for him. His P/A tendencies with me always come back to bite me in the butt.. somewhere down the road he would tell me that he came home because I asked and he felt guilty. I do appreciate the insight, because with any other guy, that tact would undoubtedly work.
Ellie, you're right. I'm not surprised that he's still confused. So no disagreement there.
And all of you, this IS far from over. I know that, and it means that I have more work to do. Although I will make a promise to myself not to get involved with another Aquarius guy again--fickle, fickle, fickle.
Yes, I believe it is time to plan a road trip!
Big hugs to all of you today.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: Although I will make a promise to myself not to get involved with another Aquarius guy again--fickle, fickle, fickle.
Words cannot express how much I agree with this statement. NEVER again will I do that either!
I agree with not being upbeat about the move. You aren't upbeat about it, and that kind of acting will make you appear a little TOO attached. I think the advice you have given me so many times will apply here for you. Keep your mouth shut and let him make his own choices. If you offer any kind of encouragement in either direction his PA tendencies will only hold you accountable for his misery.
He's probably confused as hell because a week or two ago D9 was not wanting to sleep on a sofa bed and he might feel that he is trying to remedy that. What he probably doesn't realize is that it isn't quite what anyone had in mind as far as a remedy goes.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
OK, he's moving. As a former apartment complex manager/ owner. IT'S OKK!!!! Most leases run for 1 year. Many complexes have rules about how many people can live in a certain size apt.
As hard as this is, he probably isn't ready to come home. In keeping with Meredith's comment about D9 and the sofa, this is the best solution he could come up with.
I know it isn't what you wanted. Bets, he just isn't ready to swim with the shark on a 24/7 basis. LEASES CAN BE BROKEN OR BOUGHT OUT!
So you have to just keep swimming... and stay fish sober.
Hugs to you dear friend!
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Quote: An issue that was discussed a year ago in mediation as being a requirement by the state in order to file for D (to allow him equal custody of the girls).
I don't want this to slip by unnoticed...it may be trying your patience to hear us all talk about the lease and not the fact that you feel it may be a step closer to the big D.
Bets, Mr. W has made too many other changes for this to be the case. Of course, one never knows...but honestly, he wouldn't be as actively calling as much as he has been if he were ready to walk the marriage plank.
Just keep swimming...he'll figure it out, and then he'll keep swimming right after you.
GO BRUCE!!!!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
