Divorced. My fault, and cant move forward

[Mrs D]

Breakdown - I am in therapy now to find out fhe core issues. We tried counseling together at one point, but we quit seeing her because she wasnt the right fit for me. She focused more on the drinking I did then, rather than the affair. Im not a big drinker. I felt the drinking led up to the affair, yes. But it was not the cause. Admittedly I was wrong thinking we could work our problems on our own. If wed have stayed, we may not be here now.

My Ex always thought MLC. I denied it at the time, but after reading some of the MLC forum - its possible. Throw that in with the guilt and the same I felt after -i nothing got better. Bless my ex -. He tried. Up until 4he weeks ago, he tried. Sadly it took me losing him to realize what I had, how much I love him, how much I need to make changes. I took him for granted and was very selfish till the end -of still knowing I wanted and love him - just not sure how to make the changes and to stubborn to ask for help.
So. This is now my life. And I really hope that I can go through therapy, learn more about MY issues and become a better person. I made alot of mistakes that have hurt him. But it was the constant texts to the trainer that ended it. I am not in anyway in contact with the trainer at all. I guess its been atleast four weeks if not five we have had contact. My ex feels that if its not the trainer, itll be someone else. Fact is, I never wanted anything from the trainer but friendship. I didnt make my ex my priority. Now I have nothing.