DB Bootcamp - dawnmarie and zig et al

[albamarie]

HI zig,

People tell me I have really gone further than they would have been able to handle. I'm loosing site now of if I'm working through this for H, our relationship and family, or am I scared of life without him?

I think my lack of bravery stems from not wanting to be alone (only child), I had a very lonely childhood. I also fear success...not sure why yet.

Maybe there doesn't have to be a cut a dry answer...a little bit of everything in the pot makes a better soup.

To go GAL looks like abandoning my H,M, kids. Though logically I know that's not true...I have had a safe secure haven here that didn't force me to make that decision.

GAL is having something that's mine...for me to work hard at, enjoy, explore. I like doing lots of family oriented things like bbq's, movie nights, big dinners, active outdoor fun.

How can I really be alone with 4 kids, easy....they have their own lives. I was ok with that, really, because my time was coming, were I would be free like when I was young. This time I would be a real adult, with money, a car, no fake ID necessary.

The time you look forward to as parents when you can reconnect with each other and explore the next chapter of life together. I can't help feeling cheated of that time that I earned.

Getting to be just me will be a challenge...but one I must face. I think H would like to see that in me also.

I want to make a friend. One who is a sincere listener, secret keeper (and teller), family oriented, good humored, good natured type of person. It might be nice to meet someone who gets to know the me of today.

I want my car (new car,cause H took it when his broke down) it will help me feel that sense of adult freedom I seem to be headed towards. I might as well start out in style

Thanks for writing-I have enjoyed reading some of your comments on other threads. I'm grateful to have someone read and respond to my words of confusion, someone who themselves can probably relate.