ces - i don't know about other women, but if my h 'set up a specific time" every week to "talk" i would be really put off.
read your post, dear friend - it sounds so heavy and weighed down.
before you can lighten up the situation with her, YOU have to lighten up.
labug asked you what she got from OM. she got lightness, no heavy stuff - no let's talk at 8 pm every wednesday night.
she got a lot of laughs and ease and no "weighty topics"
i want to see your goals being about what you can do different to lighten yourself up. you need to fantasize about what it feels like to be light and easy with your wife. how can she lighten up with you when you feel so weighed down?
start only there - you have to beam the lightness out of yourself so it can reflect back onto you from others.
i'm setting goal #1 for you: i hope you'll try it for at least a few days
Every hour on the hour, I will stop what I am doing, close my eyes and be utterly delighted and in heaven that my beautiful loving wife is back in our home. I will create a picture in my head of my wife smiling openly and lovingly back at me, as I smile openly and lovingly back at her. I will do this for one entire minute, without thinking of ANYTHING negative about her or my sitch. I will just imagine her as I want her to be.
give it a shot - even if only for a couple of days. and if you're in a meeting - heck, do it for 2 mins after the meeting
we can't work towards something, when we can't feel what it's going to be like.
right now you are only reflecting and repeating what you think you have now. you have to change that picture to what you want
oh and if the image of you guys vacuously beaming at each other gets boring - you are allowed to substitute it with other positive images of thing you could be doing together.
hey and don't forget - sometimes try to imagine yourself in HER shoes where you guys are doing something together that you would imagine would make HER feel good. i think it will actually work as a mini-meditation, where as you visualize her with loving eyes, you will gain some insights into who she is now
you have to learn your wife again, ces - both of you have changed - you have to get to know each other from scratch.
((( ))) and while you're at it, figure out what your underlying fears and beliefs are about what is going on with you during this time. are you deep down afraid that it may not work out - do you think that every time things don't seem to be ?
what is your REAL view of her - do you think that she is capable of doing this with you and doing it well, or do you think that deep down you aren't sure about that?
here's a suggestion for goal #2: I will choose not to be worn out.
also - as you set your goals - don't forget to do the other parts - what specific action, and how I will feel...
you can do this ces - just shift your perspective a little - away from actually what is going on with her and towards what is going on with you.
your own introspection and growth MUST continue during this time
(((( )))) zig
ps - when's the last time you guys had a family pillow fight?
oh - and then maybe later you can start a mini one in the bedroom just with her that leads to laughing tickling and then ml. that's the kind of stuff you want to do with her first - light goofy stuff - face paint each other - so she can feel at ease with you...imagine her when she's at ease with you and create opportunities for that to happen. all the "problems" will be so much easier to deal with later.
or maybe as MWD tries to teach us - you'll leave those problems behind and go straight to the solutions
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
i hope you'll try it for at least a few days 
