You have both provided enough INTERVENTION! today to keep me focused.
Meredith, I know you brought this issue to light on your thread last week--it actually struck a chord with me, but I was mulling this over. It wasn't until my parents told me about his thank you card that it perpetuated into more of an immediate concern.
If only he was knowledgeable on posting--I'd print out a copy of your letter and let it speak for itself.
Ellie--I do realize how hard it must be to eat some big helpings of crow and come home. I have forgiven him completely and feel no need to see him grovel or make a trip to the wailing wall to show me how sorry he is.
I know that this past year has been hell for both of us. No scorekeeping for good old Bruce.
And your H's comment about surviving a plane crash is something very vivid and understandable. It all boils down to coping mechanisms, doesn't it? Men often feel the need to suppress the memory, while it helps women to discuss stuff ad nauseum.
I'm not saying that I need to spend every waking hour discussing this train wreck. God knows, I want no more focus on it than it has already received.
But I'm also a pretty smart cookie in many ways. I realize that in order for healing to take place--for him as well as me--we must no longer pretend that this experience never happened. We must discuss what we've learned and how we're going to move on after the disaster.
I also realize through your posts here that if he is going to tell me that he wants to make things work, it implies that he has made the decision to work on things. Hence, why we've been stagnant for the past 13+ on that front. Though we did see MC from May-September. All was not in vain there, and I know we'll head back in once this happens.
I did compromise with him in MC to join him for a glass of scotch or wine or a beer periodically--but let him know that over indulgence was not going to happen. Hell, I could have written the book "Party Hearty" and put his antics to shame--having a cop for a dad gave me a license to do all sorts of stuff that he never dreamed of doing.
Somewhere along the road, that girl grew up. She was well on her way when the child with a disability showed up on her doorstep one day. Believe me, I chased that stork for a couple miles, yelling the entire way: "I THINK YOU MADE A MISTAKE--THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME? I GAVE AT THE OFFICE--CAN YOU PLEASE CORRECT THIS PROBLEM?"
Well, reality check: life never happens the way you orchestrate it. And while I wish that I didn't have to deal with the reality that D6 brings to my life, I would never, ever trade places if I was given the chance now.
Hell, she put the FUN in DYSFUNCTIONAL! And as fast as Mr. Wonderful tries to take it out, she puts more back in.
I also realize that it took me a very long time to come to terms with my own grief. And I consider myself very self-attuned and enlightened. He has not had the benefits of that boot camp course--though he was offered, he ran away when the flyer came in the mail. I've really had to live by example, which I don't mind at all.
Someone has to do the job... and it might as well be me.
Thanks for your input, ladies. I appreciate it.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
