Quote: "it's like surviving a plane crash. Who wants to go back and talk about it??"
I can relate because I survived a plane crash about 7 years ago - literally - major airline, aborted takeoff, skidded off the runway, plane burst into flames - jumped off the slide (whoopee!!) - fortunately (and miraculously), nobody killed or seriously injured.
You might imagine, I didn't love to fly for a while after that - took some time to get comfortable again. Still have shudders on occasion.
If the WAS feels like that - whew! - all I can say is, that explains a lot.
As usual, Ellie gives it to you straight and true. Or, as she has said to me before, PATIENCE and DISCIPLINE.
So, we keep working the 12 step fish-are-friends program and enjoy each moment we get.
Quote: I also realize through your posts here that if he is going to tell me that he wants to make things work, it implies that he has made the decision to work on things.
My H TOLD me this, Betsey... which is why, I guess, we aren't talking either. Well, not what I consider "talking" we just chit chat. And it is all so hard and tiring to remaind confident and positive.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hud--Jeez, I'll bet Ellie's post brought you some butterflies! Probably not as many as your W and spending the night! Now we both have something to sink our teeth into (a nice shark like euphanism) to go forward.
HOn--Of all people, I know that you and I are walking very parallel paths in lots of ways, right down to the timing.
So here's to keeping balance and not getting too far ahead. I realize that this is a prime example of living in the present. I just don't want to pretend that the past doesn't have some importance either...
TTFN and just keep swimming!
Bruce
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey, Wow. You have given me so much to think about. I too was struck by Meredith's comments a few days ago, and have been replaying them in my head. Meredith and I have also talked about people just wanting the marriage back, and being surprised the H comes with it. I am certain that this does not pertain to us, which brings about these questions that are so hard to answer. This is scary territory, isn't it, Bruce?
I often worry about all the changes I've made vs. the nearly none that H has made. It was confirmed by my MC who told me that I was "moving along" at a much quicker pace than H. I realize that I am very lucky to have H in counseling. I am hoping that you will get back to it also. It is one thing for our H's to hear something from us; far different for them to hear it from a "professional."
Like I said, I have lots to think about. I have nothing brilliant to offer you at this time; I guess I just wanted to let you know that I support you totally.
You have so much common sense, and you seem to effortlessly zero in on what needs to be addressed in each new dilemma. I know that high-speed Betsey brain will toss this around a little and figure out just what is needed. Yes, these slow moving creatures are killing us. But, Betsey, I truly and honestly believe that we hold the keys that will make these marriages work. I feel as if you and Meredith handed me my key. I have such a deeper understanding now. I know you already had it. This is what will carry you through. So, again, no great words of advice. Just my constant faith and admiration in you.
OK, all, buckle your seat belts and hold on. This ride is going to be very turbulent.
I had a call from Mr. Wonderful while the girls were in RE; it was another one of those odd calls where he filled me in on nothing at all. And then another one when he landed in Denver.
During the latter, he said he was returning D9's voicemail. I told him that I would hand over the phone but then remembered something that I had to mention to him.
I mentioned that D6 had received a birthday party invitation from a boy at school for this weekend. He sort of inhaled deeply and asked what time. I mentioned it was set for noon on Saturday. He became a little upset and asked me if I had RSVPd yes and I said no.
I mentioned that I realized it was his weekend and that I wouldn't commit to something when it was not in my schedule. He sort of hemmed and hawed, muttering profusely, and then made the following proclamation:
"Bets, I'm moving on Saturday."
Silence. I decided to invoke what I learned in my course of sales training: he who speaks next owns it. I kept my mouth completely shut.
He then offered that he is moving into a bigger apartment in the same complex--a 2 BR so that he can move the girls into their own bedroom. An issue that was discussed a year ago in mediation as being a requirement by the state in order to file for D (to allow him equal custody of the girls).
Then he started chatting incessantly, to the point of really irritating me. I realized that I was coming dangerously close to asking for some tartar sauce and lemon, so I decided to get the hell off the phone. And fast.
I finally said, "Mr. W. would you like to speak to D9?" He said yes. I handed over the handset like a hot potato.
She got off the phone with him and I asked, "D9, did you know that Dad was moving this weekend?" She gasped and said no and then started to cry. I gather the answer was a big NO.
She is now manically sweeping the floors and trying not to bawl. I have comforted her and she says that she has no issues with me, but realizes that there is now little chance that her dad is coming home.
I'm thinking she might be right.
I guess I don't know what to say or think at this point. I realize that he probably had to sign another lease on that place, rather than continue month-to-month where he is right now.
I refuse to ASSume in this one, but I readily admit, things do not look good here in Shark Country. How about some other input to this one?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
It must be a day for blood in the water. These fish really are begging us to swallow them and here we are fighting for sobriety and piece of mind at the same time. Damn! Damn those little blood-cologne-wearing-fin-flapping-obnoxious-immature-high-school-acting-need-to-be-served-with-rice FISH!
Let’s remember that: 1. Sharks are stronger than fish. We’ll make it, guaranteed. 2. Leases can be broken 3. You have made many changes, all for the better. Not for him, for YOU. 4. Through this process you have shown your daughters strength, courage and hope. 5. We are all here for you…
Ok, we need new plans. Otherwise we’re going to have a fish fry to remember and our sobriety records will go straight to hell in a hand basket.
I’m in no place to make suggestions because I’m more for the fish fry right now. SOOOO…sober sharks out there – what can we do?!?!
Big hugs, Betsey…we need that road trip now, ASAP!
GO YOU!!!! because YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
I know the feeling, I have run across W's plans for moving and it always seems to knock me down. I guess we float along on hope then get hit by that big wave of negativity.
Like you said he probably had to resign and leases can be broken. Is it possible that he signed up for this renewal some time back?
This thing kind of feels like riding on waves doesnt it, one day your up next day your down. Can sharks surf?
Haven't posted to you in awhile, but have been lurking or jigging.
Things can and do change. Leases can be broken. When my H came back he said if OW didn't let him back in her house to get his things "he'd buy new stuff" and what she had besides clothes and other things was his fishing equipment, we're talking lots of fishing equipment, $$$$ fishing equipment! H did get it all and OW's boat to boot! Which was promptly returned by a very PO'd H!!
Now we both have something to sink our teeth into (a nice shark like euphanism) to go forward.