Divorced. My fault, and cant move forward

[Mrs D]

Thats how the conversation usually goes cause my son always passes the phone back to the ex. The sound if his voice was soothing Friday. I ran to him and made myself an embarrassed fool in the end. Read the other logs above. I suck.

[heartbrokeinsd]

mrs d-

i am not up to date on your sitch. nor am i good at advice. fro what i have read, you know you need to stop your behaviors. i had problems with that too. you have to stop. you know when you are doing it, you shouldnt. its where willpower comes in. the fb thing is crap. dont do that. you will be found out and it harms you so much. men do not like crazy women. i am not saying you are crazy. it just comes off that way. you are going to have to decide what you want. then make a choice to do whats necessary no matter what. it will be hard, so very hard. you can do it if you put your heart and soul into it.

sorry i am not much help. i will catch up on your sitch. oh..listen to mr.bond. he is very wise.

Dakota

[scaredsilly]

You call yourself names and say you "suk" but continue to exert no self control. You would do well to stop both.

[Cadet]

In my first post I gave you the one word that you need to work on to get you through this.


DETACH


OK?

[Mrs D]

I know Cadet. I was trying. Thought I was doing decent through fhe week, but totally screwed that up over the weekend... I woke up this morning telling myself I must be stronger this week. Before everything goes to the gutter. Its just so hard from going to having everything to nothing. And hurt because she has what Ive always wanted.

[Cadet]

OK

What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

BUT you must at some point get up, dust yourself off and get back on the bicycle and try to start riding it again.

(((((HUGS)))))

[Mrs D]

Thanks Cadet for the hugs. So this morning Im on my way into town because I had a court appt for a speeding ticket. My Son is with me, because then we have to head the other direction so I can go to the office to work. He of course doesnt like going to the sitter, and its raining - so I tell him to call his Dad to see if he can hang out with him today if he isnt working. (he works construction) Well my Son told him we were headed to town - my ex then asks to speak to me. Course hes telling me
that I need to ask for court supervison, yada yada. Hes already told me this before. WHY does he continue to make me weak. Ive told him my T told me no contact. LOL IDK - maybe he is confused and really just wants to make me better before letting the walls start to crumble.. I just get frustrated, over analyzing everything. Going back to detaching once again.. Wish me luck...

[Mrs D]

MrBond,
I find that my husband tries to extend the conversations now - I have to be honest that I feel like he plays with my emotions sometimes. We talk. We get along wonderfully, then I get all crazy in my head and make things more than what they are. How to I place in my mind that this isnt anything more than a cordial conversation at this time?
I had my son call him this morning to see if he was working. My son didnt want to go to day care, it was raining. Then he asked my son to place me on the phone to talk about the court date that I had this morning for a speeding ticket. He said the same thing he had advised me last week. I understand that maybe he was just reminding me, but maybe he wasnt? I try not to over-analyze things - but sometimes its just to hard not to..

[MrBond]

" I feel like he plays with my emotions sometimes."

Possibly. Or possibly he's lowering his guard down. Your problem is that you pounce on it too soon. He knows how you feel, so you have to tone it down.

Imagine it like a stray dog that's wandered into your yard. If you start running up to it, it runs off. But if you slowly approach it, it will be wary at first, and may run off the first few times, but if you slowly approach it, a little each time, it'll get to trust you. Eventually you'd get close enough to give it some water, then food and lastly, pet it. That's how it is right now.

What you want to do is attract him with the right stuff and then slowly draw him closer to you without him knowing.

Don't over-analyze his actions. If he's contacting you, then it's a good thing. But don't exactly hang on it.

[Mrs D]

Makes sense. Question. We have alot of mutual friends. A couple that have met the girl he says isnt his GF, and then two other couples that havent met her, he hasnt spoke much of her - and when they ask questions, he avoids and changes the subject. What is your take on that?