Admittedly I didn't handle the communications well. Admittedly I am struggling terribly with forgiveness. Outside of any dealings with my STBX wife I am doing great, I realize that in reading my story here that may sound questionable.
Brit, I value your feedback and respect your opinion. I am not dating and don't plan to in the near future. I do go to counseling. Only time will tell if I am going to be open to trusting another woman again. I'll disagree that my W needs any support, she made her bed and life will do with her as it may. As I said in my text to her, I deserved for her to leave me. I did not deserve the other behaviors she exhibited specifically robbing me blind while she enjoyed her affair on my dime.
I have read sitch after sitch after sitch on this board and many other places and really have not seen anything close to the ridiculousness that is mine... Aside from what I have learned through this ordeal, the only positive I see in this sitch is the fact that we bore no children, for that I am EXTREMELY thankful.
Breakdown, you are right on with all of your points. I am struggling to let it go. I am waiting for her to say "I was wrong and I'm sorry". I haven't laid out many of the "facts" here as they would again portray me as a victim, but is a fact that her financial raping of me continued long after she started her affair. Certainly she knows what what she did is wrong, she just chooses not to admit it. I have fully admitted to my wrongdoings in the marriage I don't see why she just won't "woman up" and own up to hers. I guess it is controlling to continue to note the facts to try convince her to express her wrongdoing. There really is nothing further to deal with aside from the paperwork, so these "trigger events" that get me spun up are coming to a close. Getting the car back in dissarray was quite similar to going back to house with a refrigerator full of rotten food and her and the SK's garbage left behind as a "favor" for me to clean up and donate for a tax writeoff... Classy once again. Obviously it pissed me off.
The good thing is the communication should improve because there really shouldn't be anymore. She will be doing no further cake-eating on my account aside from the likely outcome of her not filing the petition and letting me also absorb that cost.
And today's plus, last anger management/DV class today and I get my letter for dismissal! If I ever get married again and catch my wife in an affair I certainly won't be confronting her or the OM. Sending flowers with an alienation of affection order and changing the locks would have been a much wiser and more economically sound decision for me. Never in my life has doing what I though was right (e.g. fight tooth and nail for marriage) proved to be so costly.
I am moving on, daily working on forgiveness and letting it go. Thanks again for you guys feedback I greatly appreciate it. Good luck to all in your respective sitch's!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
