Going Dark; Not Sure I Have The Strength

[NASCARDaddy]

My previous thread is here

Last Monday, I decided that I had to go dark with my W. I began to realize that every communication we had with each other ended up with us having the same fights and the same R talk. Basically it always involved me trying to convince her to take me back, trying to reassure her that I did respect her, etc. and her always saying that she doesn't love me and she will never let me be with her again. When I saw that was the exact same direction our conversation was heading last Monday I finally told her that I could not keep having the same argument with her over and over and until we could communicate like adults I just could not talk to her to which she replied "can I count on that?"

I have not had much contact with her since then. She called me on Wednesday to let me know that we needed to go sign some papers for the D on Thursday. On Thursday we didn't talk in the car except when I asked her what the papers were. Thursday evening she dropped our kids off for a visit and I told her that they had some library books that needed to be taken back. Yesterday I called her to find out when she would be dropping the kids off for their visit this week, but other than that I have not spoken to her at all.

I am not sure that I have the strength to keep going though. I am scared that she will decide that she actually likes life without me and that she will not want to take me back. I have been told by a few people who have spoken with her and know what she is going through that I should not give up hope but every day that goes by it gets a little harder to continue having hope.

Until things really started to go downhill in June we had never gone a day in our relationship without talking. Even when I was away at law school for the past two years we either talked on the phone, texted each other, or talked via web cam every day. I feel so lonely and afraid. Even more than being afraid of losing her, I am afraid that I will do something stupid. I am so conflicted right now I find it hard to trust my own judgement.