The changes you make are for YOU not to win her back! They are for you to be the BEST YOU can be.
I absolutely understand this. The changes I'm making ARE for me, and ARE to continue becoming the best ME I can be. I was commenting on how I though, as a byproduct, she may be seeing it... But as I'll state later... I can use some help detaching here.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
There can always be HOPE as long as YOU want to keep that alive. That is why we detach and take our love and put it away so that there is some left later after the marathon, to take out and revivie the relationship. Just have NO EXPECTATIONS, they are not the same thing.
You do not have to go DARK, however you must DETACH! That is the keystone to all of this. Going DARK may help you DETACH, but I will leave that up to YOU.
I thank you very much for this. I think the toughest thing I'm going through right now is figuring out how to keep these positive communications going without letting them effect me as much as they can sometimes.
I love talking to W, and for the most part, our conversations are positive. Very little to no R talk, she doesn't lash out or say mean things, and the talks are generally quite friendly and light.
I'll try to word this in the proper way, but I'm not sure it will work: I guess what's so tough is hearing her general happy tone, hearing all the things she's excited about in her "new" life, and hearing her say how happy she is can get me down. (Hence my need to learn to detach!!!) Don't get me wrong, I want W to be happy in whatever she does in her life. And I want to continue to be a friend to her. I just want to get rid of the empty feeling that I get after these conversations... when I realize her absence from my day-to-day life so vividly.
Sometimes it drives me crazy that she isn't bringing up "what's next". She's never said a word about getting a D, but she's also made it clear she has plans for the foreseeable future that don't involve me. While I know that's to be expected, it stings some days.
But at the same time, I realize that the fact that she's regularly speaking with me (She calls me about once a week, and normally texts about once a week or so, with the occasional email thrown in... most times they have a definite reason, but a couple weeks back she just wanted to let me know she heard a song on the radio that reminded her of us... both back when we lived together and again now) is a positive thing... Something that many people on these boards would be thrilled to have happen. I believe that by continuing to GAL, work on my 180s and learning to DETACH, I'll be on the right path for my life... It's just, again, the DETACH thing I'm having a hard time with...
I believe "Going Dark" will have a detrimental effect on the positive signs of progress, so I would love some advice on how to better DETACH without going dark.
Or am I asking for the impossible? I can't imagine I am... And maybe I just need to keep chanting "Patience" to myself... To allow things to run their course... To keep remembering I can do NOTHING to change HER mind or change HER actions... I can only work on me, look toward the future, and keep hoping that one day I will achieve the major goal in my life...
