Not much happening my way. Although, I wish it was, if you know what I mean. LOL I wish it was happening A LOT. LOLOL But alas, H hasn’t made a move in that direction in a while.
I mentioned this to friends, and how I was trying to come up with a way to move back in that direction – right after BD, things in the ML department were actually better than BEFORE BD. Now, not so much. I haven’t figured out why the switch back. Maybe H feels bad after we ML? Maybe he just doesn’t want to anymore. (Which I wish he would just come out and say. This was one of our issues before. He never says anything about how he’s feeling.)
One of my friends asked wouldn’t it be nice just to be in a R without everything being a guessing game. I said of course! They said they know how tiring it could be, and that my sitch seems like an ongoing chess match. I said, most of the time I don’t feel that way. I’ve just been living my life. I said most days I am happy, but I do go through phases like this, where I wonder if I should be doing something different.
I’ve learned not to DO anything most of the time, so I’m wondering if that’s what I should be doing now. I mean we’ve been getting along great. If anything, we seem closer than before, but I know looks can be deceiving. I just know I miss ML, and haven’t quite figured out how to “do what works” to bring it back into the picture.
I think my H looks to me and how I’m acting to see how he should act. If I’m happy, and upbeat, he’s happy and upbeat. If I’m down and sad, then so is he. Kinda crazy when you think about it. LOL (Is that the Pursue/Distance thing?) I know I haven’t been following the advice of my coach. I haven’t exactly been the flirty, alluring person I was 3 months ago. Funny how old habits come back to bite you in the butt. I’m turning into the old boring wife again! Gotta snap out that!
I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends on Friday, and when they asked me for an update, I could tell they were having a hard time understanding how I COULD be happy with my sitch as it is. I honestly couldn’t explain it to them. All I know is for the first time in FOREVER, I don’t have my life planned down to the minute, and I’m actually enjoying being me. I haven’t made plans ahead of time to do anything in a while, and I don’t spend every minute thinking about my sitch anymore. It is what it is. All I can do is live for me…something I’ve never done. I must admit though, it’s totally the way to go!
Anyway, enough of my rambling. Hope everyone is having a great day.
