Time to start a new thread. For those who are curious, things are going ok. I quit smoking 2 days ago (started when separation started) and I have not a craving at all! I am able to quit cold turkey as I have done it before years ago.
I haven't begun exercising yet as time constraints and getting my lungs back into shape are obstacles, but plan to start next week when I have more time.
I chose the title of this thread as an homage to Boomtown Rats. Although it may not be appropriate due to the recent school shootings, it does give me insight to possible MLC behavior. In the song the police questioned the shooter as to why she shot her classmates, to which she replied "I don't like Mondays."
Basically when we are all crying "why" to something that has gone wrong in our lives, there might not really be a reason why, at least as far as the WAS goes. I think I have gotten past the stage of wondering why and just accepting it.
XW now has OM on her Facebook and I have noticed it does not bother me as much anymore. She is still trying to friend me, but I am not going to totally pretend that everything is ok. I am friendly to her and that is about it and I am ok with that.
Today I actually thought of myself dating another person and was strangely ok with it. I will still give myself time though to make sure that I have healed more, but I am doing pretty good so far.
Anyway I better get back to work. Hope you all are doing well. Thanks for the support!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
The divorce was finalized yesterday and case was closed. Although I know this was only the legal side of divorce, it hurt a bit. Today when I looked at Facebook, (I look to see if she has new pics of D2, mainly) XW had changed her name. Her OM had a pic of the two on his profile two days ago, which did not bother me, but seeing the name change hurt a little bit. I think I am finally experiencing the grief of the divorce in little chunks now, but it is not as bad as before.
I plan to go out tonight and have fun with friends and work out afterward if I have time.
From now on it is all about me and D2! It kinda feels good to say that.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, I am truly sorry it came down to the divorce. Yes, it does hurt and you will have days when there are reminders and those reminders will prick you like a thorn. You will bleed for just a little bit and then you'll pick yourself up once again. Experience the hurt, allow it to wash over you and then let it go.
I can understand the name change hurting a little bit.
You and your little girl will have a wonderful life together. She is "daddy's little girl" and you have so much to teach her.
TM, it will get better with time and you just never know what God has in store for you. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So Saturday, which is Ex's day to have D2, ex picks up D2 and I go to work. I get a message (didn't answer phone) 2 hours later wiht Ex crying and telling me what a good Dad and good person I am. Then 4 hours later she calls and asks me to take care of D2 tonight because her depression is too bad. I asked if she was suicidal or was afraid of doing harm to D2 and she replied no. She then wanted to know if I had plans and what they were. I told her I did and that it was none of her business, but agreed to take D2 for D2's own safety just in case.
I think it is a HUGE coincidence that Ex suddenly gets a case of the weepies the same day that a mutual friend of ours is having a going away party and she invited us both. I hate to sound heartless, but I just can't get over the feeling that Ex was using me again to go out and party.
So my question is, if it happens again, do I decline and continue on with my plans, or drop my plans and take care of D2? I am conflicted because it is almost like I feel forced into rescuing Ex because of D2s involvement, but I also know that I have to be THE parent and that that responsibilty comes before my personal pleasure at this point.
I wonder if this is a place to put a boundary, or am I just being totally selfish?
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, Your question is a tough one. I would always put my child first. I know that you had plans, but you really don't know what your xh is really thinking at this point. The divorce may have now just hit her and she could be capable of anything until the full reality has settled in.
Listen to your gut instinct when it comes to your child. At some point, you can put a boundary in place, but I suspect it will be quite a while down the road.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know for sure if she did, but I can't trust her worth anything. It is in her MO to pull something like that in the past and she would lie to friends to cover it up so who knows?
I just made the best of the opportunity with the extra time I had with D2. She is teething her 2 yr. molars so it was a sleepless night, but I got some good snuggling time with her and we played a lot!
Snod-
I was also thinking a little of the same thing as I just got the judgement this morning as I use my work for internet. She must have gotten it Saturday as it was sent Friday.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I am sorry that you are dealing with this with such a young child. I was there.
I can tell you this: I know it's cliche, but your D will grow up so fast, you won't know what hit you.
So if you have chance to be with D, I would advise you to take the opportunity. All the cute (and not-so-cute) stuff she is doing now is going to go away so fast. I didn't do a lot of things--not much socializing, just spending time w/D. And I don't regret it. She needed me. Now she is older and doesn't need me in the same ways.
I think 2 is a particularly astonishing age. A child who has just turned 2 is completely different from a child about to turn 3. So far, with my D, no age has had quite such amazing growth and progress.
Spend as much time with her as you can and don't worry about X.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
