There's a big old castle with very thick walls, and that' s where you wife is - in there, with all her chaos and confusion. Outside beyond the moat are beautiful fields, and you've set up your picnic there, and you are sitting at your picnic (picnic symbolizes fun, relaxed, carefree...) with your back to the castle, having a quiet wonderful time.
your back to the castle refers to staying detached - so no matter what w is doing in there, you are just enjoying yourself. once in a while she peeps out or even comes all the way out to sit down next to you, but she keeps going back to her chaos. you stay steady on your picnic, no matter what she does
she's obviously just come out to peep - stay on your blanket and don't turn around
sometime it's hard to stay on the blanket - and then you come tell us and we'll help pull you back on.
glad to see you doing everything that you should be doing - getting support, being firm, stepping out of your safe place. now you just nee to make those goals and TRUST yourself
zig
Visualizations, symbols and metaphors can be powerful tools that help us thru very difficult times. I like the "picnic" one for the reasons that Zig says, but mostly because it obviously WORKS FOR HER.
For me, I always liked the "walking down the path" analogy, only occasionally peeking behind you to see if your wayward spouse is following you. I liked it because it implied ACTION (and you know us guys, we're natural Mr. Fix-It problem-solvers ), but mostly because it implies MOVEMENT ... DISTANCE. It says to your spouse "I am moving AWAY from you, down a path of self-improvement and (re-?)becoming the man I think God wants me to be. If you choose to come along . . . great. If not, I understand, and I love you enough to let you go and let you pursue your OWN path. But make no mistake, I AM moving, and I hope you don't want too long or else I will be too far away from you."
), but mostly because it implies MOVEMENT ... DISTANCE. It says to your spouse "I am moving AWAY from you, down a path of self-improvement and (re-?)becoming the man I think God wants me to be. If you choose to come along . . . great. If not, I understand, and I love you enough to let you go and let you pursue your OWN path. But make no mistake, I AM moving, and I hope you don't want too long or else I will be too far away from you."
