please please don't veer off the point getting moralistic about her nicotine habit. the only thing it will do is cause mac to focus on the details rather than what he really needs to focus on here - setting the correct boundaries, being fair to himself and wife, and getting detached.
she's just using the smokes as an excuse to make contact and to get money to live on. (which incidentally he may have agreed on!)
(my h used giving our s a decent place to live as his reason for me buying the house for him. my answer to him when i said no was, there is a perfectly good place to live right here at the house, and if you choose not to do so, then you'll have to figure out your own living arrangements)
the point here seems to be that mac needs to make some boundaries clear - about how much money and how often and whether to give it at all. it's besides the point what she uses it for.
i don't agree that mac should be picking up smokes for her when he goes to buy his own. but we have to find out first what he has told her he would do, and whether he has told her he is going to support her.and if he wishes to change what's been in place to help and support him to do it correctly
no matter what's going on between the 2 of them, it's something to think about whether he is going to cut her off totally financially or not, and which one is the right thing to do
getting him riled up further with comments like that, when he's in the state he's in, is not going to help him
so let's focus on what the actual situation is (if there is one) about their previous agreements and help him to figure out and execute what he would like to do.
and i will join you in 2 x 4'ing him profusely if he says he wants to do what she asked for in those texts.
mac - i hope that you are silent because it's bed time there, and not because you went to buy her smokes!!
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
