14 Months Secret Separation: talking mediation

[adinva]

Thanks for the reality check Accuray! My h really is a 9. He's been waaaaaaay better since our bomb and three sessions of counseling together because I feel a lot more understanding and don't react to him in anger the way I used to. He is really challenging to get along with, but I have noticed it's just me and the kids - he is NOT like that with friends and coworkers and seems relaxed and happy with them. He complains behind their back to me later.

At our cookout long ago, the guys weekend that Purg and I crashed, one of the buddies asked me if I would change and act more helpless to get my H or a man. I had to think through my immediate negative reaction and after thought still I thought, no. I don't believe I want to put on an act to seem more feminine and needy than I am.

However, just for you Ro and Bklyn, I'll take the advice to heart and look for real things I do respect about H and convey that and report back.

We may be at an impasse though. My H seems to really need to feel needed - in ways that I don't really need him, and I really need an emotional connection - which H refuses to or is incapable of providing. I might win him back and not want what I got. I'd rather if he comes back it's because he finally feels the lack of emotional connection and decides he wants to learn how to build it.