Now I have done my final thing for him, removed the pressure to make a decison about us from him that he put on himself. So I am walking away. I don't care what his reaction or response will be. It could be indifference, anger, or most unlikely caring. But it makes no difference to me. There is not a part of me left that cares. Done is done. I can take not one thing else. I suppose I still do love him, but I am just not in love with him. How is that for irony? And I have no interest in being his friend-that only leads to pain and drama as well, a cheeseless path. He knows that as I have said that from the beginning-no friendship and pretending I am ok with his actions-and he has screamed about that often, but I have never waivered from that decision-that ship sailed long ago. As you all said, he is an adult, responsible for his own actions. Perhaps someday I will get over the crushing guilt I feel right now, but in the meantime, I am focusing on finding a new job, finishing my studies, working out, and taking care of what is left of my family-my kids-the dogs since I have to be both father and mother. I have no interest in another man either as he will likely accuse me. I have no trust left in love or men but that may come back in time as I believe God wants us to be happy.
