Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Arsene]

Thanks Denver,

So most of these occurred after you guys had agreed to work on reconciliation. From what I understand. Your W had a difficult time letting go of OM and seemed to be torn between you and OM, however, she had expressed that she loved you and wanted to give it another go.

You talk about moments when you went "dark" and I realize you do need a certain amount of detachment to do this but how about being detached without going dark? Did you experience this? A time when although you were still in touch with your W regularly, her actions and words didn't affect you and you were able to stay cheerful (or at least act "as if" successfully) and get on with your life.

I guess I'm asking because I'm realizing that there is nothing I can do now to get her away from OM so my only alternative is to completely detach (so I don't live in constant pain) or simply give up.

I'm not ready to give up yet because, somehow, I still believe my W is somewhere in that body and that, once she comes out of that tunnel, we have a chance at a fantastic future together. Now I can't go "dark" because I'm taking care of D8, and W does come around often enough.

So far my detachment seems to have appeased the storm. We are now civil, or even friendly, and from where I stand, although this might not in itself get her to reconsider the A, at least, she is close enough that she will see/has seen the changes is me and, most of the time, I am not affected by what she does or say.

I'd love to hear more on the effects of detachment in the case of an A.

(I guess that since I still care about the outcome, I am not truly detached but I am as detached as I wish to be for the time being)