PJ, your a smart guy obviously, and we've all done that looking for reason thing. I went through phone records, emails, ipad history.......here's the hardest thing to take. She didnt leave for any reason other than you. And please take that as kindly as I mean for it to come across, because when I say it im really talking to me. You sound as completely neurotic as I was....is there any doubt what drove our wives away?
I did the same thing you did....constant neediness, wanting reassurance, always wanting her to tell me she'd never leave me. And even while she was telling me that I would tell her that I knew one day i'd drive her away by worrying about it. It became a self fulfulling prophecy....quit being such a wimp and have some confidence. Your wife didnt start dating you, fall in love with you, and marry you so that she could divorce you.
No one ever got married in the hopes that sooner or later it would fail and they could become a statistic. And no one ever married anyone that was acting like you and I acted in the last couple of years. Your wife is trying to find the man and reason she married you to begin with so she can stay married, help her find that person. And the only way you can ever help her find that person is by finding him yourself. Thats the journey im on, care to join me?
I know there are exceptions to this, and I know that you can find alot more stories of people who didnt reconcile than those that did, but the fact of the matter is if your spouse has left and has yet to file then their not sure they want to get a divorce and their looking to you to let them know which way they should go. I think its really that simple, you can push them away by trying to pull them close, or you can give them space, change yourself and most likely they'll wanna come in for a closer look.
And as is said here so many times, what do you have to lose by improving yourself and detaching now, if this doesn't work out your going to have to look internally for the answers then anyway, by beginning now you simply get a head start on the process.
Smile professorjay and enjoy the weekend, absolutely nothing is "done" at this point.
Very nicely said. Thanks. I copied this to my desktop, it has helped me tremendously today.
