telling my story of the cuckoo

[forward]

And PF, I would gently tell you that while I understand your desire to reach out to him, it might not be the right time.

It's not up to you to save his career or to prevent his humiliation and craziness. He is going to have to do it himself.

Another thing that was a hard lesson for me: I had a lot of resentment at what I gave up for X and all the work I did to support him. But bottom line was that I CHOSE to do that. I have no one to blame but myself. And I had to examine who I was to decide why I felt that I had to do those things, and why I saw those things as love.

These comments may not be much help to you now, as you're confused, angry, and feeling helpless and forlorn. And gosh, I remember that well. I was so stressed I didn't drive well! But try to spend your time alone wisely, creatively, and constructively...and try to enjoy it! I enjoyed my time alone, and it was essential to my healing. Give yourself time to grieve, time to restore and repair yourself.

And stop doing things to get back at him. Leave him alone, to sort things out alone. (The books advise on that.) It is really important to stop the FB nonsense, too, and to stop watching his every move and taking it personally. It will just hurt you. Detaching will help you feel less angry and less likely to lash out, and likely more attractive to him for those reasons.

Ultimately things ended in D for me, but I can look at the situation and know that I tried my very best, and I am at peace with that. I also feel that I managed to come through the situation a better person, more aware of who I am and what I need.