Barn's burnt down--

[labug]

Thank you all, it really does help to come here and vent and get things off my chest. I feel better today and am thankful for the support system I have.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday, dinner with other friends and all of you to chat with during the day. How great is that?

About the vulnerability quote from zig, I'm going to share this because it shows the lengths we(I) go to in order to hide that soft spot. I woke up this morning feeling embarrassed and needy that I had shared that. I felt I should be stronger, that I should be able to get through this on my own.

But I quieted that voice because sometimes I do need help and that's OK. One of the reasons my marriage fell apart is that I couldn't say "I'm drowning here, I need help." I didn't seek help for my depression because I thought I could fix it on my own.

Sometimes trying to be strong can be detrimental.

I'm feeling much better today but I know I have to work to keep this so back to my GALs. I need some discipline which has never been my strong suit. I'm great in a pinch or in that push to the finish but doing routine things daily, not so much. Something for me to improve.

Another piece of this I didn't add yesterday, part of our trip to Chicago was to attend a conference about S(19)'s health issue. It was 2.5 days of constant information and I came away overwhelmed and overstimulated. Those days also had a lot of emotion, listening to the keynote speaker I almost had to step out as some of her life mirrored what we have struggled with with S(19). But hers was a message of hope and that was good.

I had lots of stuff to work through from that.

I also completed the major milestone in a project at work this week. All that's left is an assessment and my workplace will gain a national designation.

So it's a lot and my T often has to remind me of these things that I tend to ignore that add to the stress of life. Not to recognize them in a prideful way but to note them and give them their due.

So I'm getting up from where I stumbled, brushing myself off and forging forward on this crazy path.