Fish are friends. Not food.

[Meredith]

You're in HR... do you think you could send him a memo to tell him to get his act together? And if he doesn't, can you find a way to terminate his employment so I don't have to pay unemployment?

But of course! The letter is below. You are not obligated to pay any unemployment for an involuntarily termination based on work performance...so you're set there!

AH AH AHEM....

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

This memo is in regards to your recent attendance to your marriage. Mr. Wonderful, I know you agree that a workplace’s efficiency is directly related to our employees. As such, the lack of attendance we are seeing on your part is causing a breakdown of that efficiency. Your co-workers and manager are becoming fatigued and frustrated by having to take on your tasks as their own in your absence. Their fatigue and frustration is also diminishing the aforementioned efficiency, to the point that it has been brought to my attention.

As the HR coordinator for your department, I strongly encourage you to consider improving your recent attendance. Mr. Wonderful, the last thing you want to do in these stressful economic times is cause your group to become comfortable functioning without you.

In order to focus your attention on the tasks that you have neglected in your absence (to name a few: words of affirmation for Betsey and D6, quality time with D9, martial commitment and motor-home door bouncing) we are restricting both your vacation and sick leave effective immediately. Any time-off must be scheduled through me, in advance. Any sick time taken must be called in to me, and be accompanied by a physician’s note. I highly encourage you to take this notice seriously, Mr. Wonderful. I would hate to remind you of the stack of resumes on my desk containing the names and qualifications of those people seeking a your very position (including one very hot sportscaster in your area – NOT the DB board).

Sincerely,

Anchor the Shark,
HR coordinator for Betsey’s marriage