Barn's burnt down--

[needgrace]

and I feel just this way:

- wow, i am still so afraid of showing my true vulnerability and weaknesses, that even on line, where there is a semblance of anonymity, i still manage to give this impression of being really strong and capable - and possibly create a situation where i don't get the help i truly need because i hide behind this facade ( and all of a sudden, i see how i did that since i was a very young child - staying bold and defiant no matter how much i was hurting inside - groan groan - it's still like that, after all this work? wtf? when does this effing end?)

dear bug, that quote is such an amazing piece of self awareness - that you defend yourself by being the bold and defiant one.. and yet here you are admitting that to us openly and expressing your sadness.. instead of covering it up with strength..

i am so sorry that you are hurting but i wonder if by feeling your sadness you keep the black dog away.. i heard a C say once that depression is turning off your feelings,it is like a single water spigot, we think we can turn off the negative feelings, but don't realize that we have turned off the positive feelings as well.

we are all a work in progress and always will be, i think..and wouldn't it be boring not to be?...

i think zig is right on...

this is just another layer to your growth and healing... i don't know how many times on this journey so far that i have felt like i was drowning right before i took another big step..

growing pains..

(((((( )))))))