So a few months ago my horoscope said something about a series of eclipses (or whatever) would mean that in a year I wouldn't even recognise who I'd become and I have to say it's starting to happen.
My life is getting pretty freakin amazing and the way I approach it has also become freakin amazing. I can remember a time when I would have thought coming home from a business trip and not having H there to have the house cleaned would have seemed so lonely. Not now...I didn't even think of that except to think how much had changed hours later. When I got home, I immediately cleaned the house, unpacked, did the laundry, went for a two mile run, and made a home cooked curry. And somewhere in that I thought my thinking sure has shifted! I wouldn't have recognised this girl.
When I went for my run I thought about how much I love where I live, I love the scenery, I love my surroundings, I couldn't wait to round that corner and see my favourite field (which was the scene of the bomb drop!) I took a new route and loved every minute of it. This is not the same girl who in late summer would think the light so pretty I wish is was like this more often, but the Old Brit spent time indoors and didn't enjoy the world around her.
I've noticed it a few times this week in terms of how I deal with relationships. One of my friends met a guy and was gushing about him. I questioned whether she liked him or all the attention and was she worried it was moving too fast and that I'd be worried about the emotional health of anyone who said after 3 weeks I think we'll be together forever. Another friend asked me about Mr Strawberry and everything that she was saying I was realising this is strange because in the past I would have analysed EVERY SINGLE THING and now I'm not.
Mr Strawberry came to see me on Thursday. He went off and did his own thing he's really active and sporty. And then he met up with me and my coworkers and we pretty much all spent the day and evening together. He'd booked a hotel next door to mine. And everything was easy and natural and fun. I didn't have to babysit, he got along with everyone. He's chatty but not over the top. He's complimentary but not too charming. We just had fun. Today I invited him to be my date to my friends wedding in a fortnight. I was a little bit nervous because a man could see that as being "too serious" He was really excited about it.
In my new No plans No Expectations mindset...he asked me did you think I'd come visit you again? And I said yeah...and he laughed and I said I don't know I thought you might. And I realised I hadn't had any expectations I'd hoped he would..I guess..but I didn't really obsess about will he come see me, what does it mean if he does or if he doesn't, does he like me etc. I love feeling like this.
So I feel good. As far as my sitch...I have some decisions to make about filing and he and I need to discuss some things. But I've learned that I'm only responsible for myself and I'm not responsible for the decisions he makes in the face of me filing (because he won't) I don't have any regret in my decision to move on and so after reading KD's chat on Moving On/Moving Forward/Standing I'm happy and proud of my choice now.
I think my next thread will be in the Surviving the Big D but for 100 more posts I'm hanging in the newbies!
