telling my story of the cuckoo

[25yearsmlc]

I did not mention I suppose because I was so focused on him and his behavior, trying to figure out what was going on and what would come next so I could be prepared.

Did you ever read the Div Remedy book? I cannot tell.

Do you notice how much you are writing about HIM? See, this place is Solution based--- so we focus on the person who is HERE posting. He's not here. YOU ARE HERE.

So we can't do anything for or about him. Neither can you.

You must keep your focus on what you CAN Do,

and you are the only person you can control. Think about that.

YOU are all you control so you really ought to be the only one you and we post to or about. Make sense?

The rest of this talk is wasted energy.


I had enough to survive each day's events without thinking of other painful things on top of survival.
I am finishing a doctorate/have a law degree/and two masters so I hope I am educated.

Many of us are educated, but we all still make mistakes. I'd say my father was probably brilliant -very well educated, but he also was abusive to my mother and he drank too much.

In a way, his education was almost a handicap b/c it was harder for him to believe HE would make such blatant errors in his life. And he rationalized well to help him justify his poor behaviors. But he did...for years...

Strangely, it is not that I think I am powerless, but the exact opposite-I think I had too much power in the relationship . Sand the choices I made stacked up on him and caused something to snap in him.

After the split, he told me I was always the better looking one of the duo, that he was nothing compared to me, that he always knew I would leave him. But before I could answer, he turned into Monster and began yelling at me saying I was so weak and stupid he split with me just to get rid of me first. Again rewriting history. So I carry tremendous guilt that is paralyzing me at times.
Yes, I am sucked into his drama but much less frequently now. And I am working on that very diligently, and have avoided many times the pit believe it or not. No sex insults since that one day during the nuclear war and believe me he started that one with personal comments about me posted on my work website. Still I understand no excuse.
Yes, I know his behavior is criminal and leading up to more criminal activity on a cognitive level, but when it is happening, I just don't even really hear it as my brain just shuts off somehow/goes somewhere else-and I think of how hurt and how much pain I hear in the words. No fear, no flight, just get through the time and go on. It is why afterwards, I do not even remember all the details, and later forget the major also. Like PTSD perhaps.

Hey, this just is NOT a healthy relationship for you. It's a dangerous one. Your focus must be on healing YOU and I hope we can help you with that.
Don't worry about most of the rest. Seriously, a LOT of what you are writing about is not relevant to NOW. Stay in the present...

For now, that's all I can say. Get out of this r asap.

Honor your d by healing yourself...and MAYBE, that will help your h, but your goal is saving you first, your m or h, after..

Make sense?