Also I do have the expectation (yes, it is an expectation) that his not filing means that there is hope. I'm now close to asking for clarification on that.
before doing so, could you spend a few days - just sitting with that, and breathing into it, until there is a space around it and find out what's in that space?
you have to find that out, before you can have the R talk, don't u think?
labug - i hear a tiny bit of self-denigration toward yourself. and more than the expectation issue, i think there is the time factor issue that is at play here.
if you remove the time factor - how long it's been, how long will it be... what does that leave you with?
it's like KD keeps pointing out to me - I'm where I am until I'm not there any more and then I'll know it.
I'm trying to lean into that and leave all the other things out. It's possible that you only have to have that talk when you know where you are.
could everything else just be hoping that a nudge will influence an outcome?
I don't know...
what i am starting to see more and more clearly is how circular this all is - we come full circle on one thing and think the circle is complete and then the next and the next circle, and then suddenly we're back at a circle which we thought we'd left behind and have to go through the process all over again.
might this be one of those circles that need to be repeated, where you find something new for yourself?
i think many of us think of you when we are floundering - your strength in standing this long has been an inspiration to us, especially in the face of your growth and self-awareness - you've been a quiet beacon here on the board - aspire to where bug is. but i also think that the most beautiful thing about where you are in your strength is also your acknowledgement of how this comes up again periodically and how you deal and go through it in this quiet balanced way. your honesty is really touching to me - you teach us how to do it right
so labug - maybe to just be where you are - it's the best place, and then you'll move into another circle when this one has taught you what you need to know
i hope you have peace today
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
