Wow LA I feel almost exactly the same way as what you expressed in your post. I actually posted my whining this morning early and it was so similar to yours that its uncanny. I can't for the life of me see how she can just act as though we haven't had 15 years together and be so....I dont know if casual is the word but its what comes to mind....as though I dont mean anymore to her than the guy making her coffee at starbucks...and possibly less b/c im betting she's friendlier to him than to me right now.
Funny thing is, all of these feelings have been welling up inside of me in the last week....and its been a good week. It really has been a good week, not only for me, but for "us" if there is an us...at the very least our interactions have been really good this week and I can see her slowly coming out of the shell that she put around herself....its very slowly, but it does look like she's peaked out a few times recently and based on the fact that she didnt immediately jump back in she must have at least been a little more curious about what she's seeing, or maybe she even liked what she saw.
Point is even with good vibrations going this week, I to can see the black dog creeping up on me. I never really thought about the difference in sadness and depression, but its obvious that this isnt normal sadness b/c with the week i've had I have no reason to be sad right now.
I dont know that I have any advice for you because when i start to feel sorry for myself when i've been seperated for 9 weeks and see someone who's been seperated so much longer its amazing the resolve it must take to stand for your marriage that long. I hope that im able to do that, im simply deciding each morning that i'll stand for my marriage another day and thats the only day I really worry about.
Again I don't have advice, but I do have encouragement.....im sure you've heard plenty of this, but we all love compliments....I know nothing about you except that your amazingly strong....you have stood for your marriage and have worked/are working to improve yourself and in this world today that is rare. Very few people are willing to fight at all for their marriage, much less to recognize and admit their own role in the failure of it.
I'll finish with this.....i've always said that because I believe in marriage, and also because im completely convinced the kids never truly recover from it and it causes them problems their entire lives that I would do everything in my power to stay married. I had a man tell me a few years back that when my S11 is a grown man and comes to me and asks why I didnt try harder to keep our family together that I better be able to look at him face to face and tell him that I did everything in my power to make our marriage work and it simply didnt work out. Throughout this entire process that has been on my mind whenver I want to throw my hands up b/c she's so cold to me. But when I see people like you and others who have stood so much longer and more strongly than me I know that if I were to give up now I couldnt look him in the eye and say those words so I put my head down and get back to work. So just know that your not only an inspiration to others, but your an incredibly strong woman who is to be admired.
