Divorced. My fault, and cant move forward

[Mrs D]

That sounds good.

NC is critical and only time will be able to tell if you can hold to it.

How old is your son? For the small interactions that you have together be sure you are friendly and not clingy. Dress well in something that you know usually turns him on. With each interaction, see if you can stretch them a little longer each time. Right now he has his guard up. You want to get him to relax and feel safe around you again.

He's afraid to get hurt again so it'll take awhile.

MrB,

Should I be trying to interact with him when doing the NC? The only time my therapist said I should was only concerning my son. Should that contact be in person, or via the phone? Thanks again for your response.

[mshaf]

MRS D,

Listen to the vets on this board. Sometimes you will come across things or be told things you don't want to hear but it is for the best.

The DR book should absolutely work for someone in your sitch. A lot of the book is about new ways to interact with those you love(probably a good thing in your sitch), finding out the things that aren't working for you or your spouse, and most importantly finding YOURSELF (something you mentioned you need to do).

It sounds like your X still loves you, though right now he may be infatuated with the new GF. If they are as different as you say they are you probably won't have to worry about that long.

Good luck to you. Keep reading, keep posting, and DON'T GIVE UP.

[Mrs D]

Thank you Mshaf. I ordered the book today and am really looking forward to reading it. I went out to dinner tonight with mutual friends. They were texting him all night reminding him of the good times - I dont think he realized I was there as well. (really not playing games - I would just tell them to add this to the conversation, or that - was not in the converation .... I am still NC if its not coming from me - right? ) Anyway. I did call my son later to wish him good night. He passed the phone to my ExH who asked if I was tipsy (I do heart a maitai evher so often) and then he asked if I was with the mutual friends. I am TRYING to be honest and told the ExH yes - we had a good time. Please tell me was I wrong???? Ended on the note- have a good night. AND... now Im on here.
I know - NC!!!!! Right????
Ugh..

[Mrs D]

BTW mshaf. Im a taurus. I dont give up easily.

[Mrs D]

Fail!!! Just returned from my ExH house. Had nice conversation. Told him where I am going with things in my life. Ive hurt him badly, so he doesnt believe me. I can tell he wants to, but he just cant. So Ive failed at the NC.... i suck. Night.

[Mrs D]

OK - here is a question... What if my ExH is doing to me the same thing I am trying to do with him - the no contact, the GAL, etc? I mean, what if he stepped back and said this is what I going to do - Im going to "show my back", and hopefully she comes back? Although he does have what he said last night is not his GF... Maybe he really is doing this hoping I get my life together so we can be together again?

[MrBond]

"Should I be trying to interact with him when doing the NC?"

You have an 8 year old son together. Let's face it, you're NEVER going to be total NC.

"The only time my therapist said I should was only concerning my son."

Yes, that's how it should start. There should also be a few times when he sees the two of you together to lend him support.

"Should that contact be in person, or via the phone? "

It could start off on the phone. For example, my W and I had an arrangement where we would have our Ds call the person whom they weren't with every night at 8. I would pick up the phone and after a few times of leaving it strictly business, I started asking my W how her day was. At first she was leery about this, but then eventually opened up. Then we started hanging out, etc.

[Mrs D]

I really have issues. Please someone, tell me to calm down and relax. I continually keep making DUMB mistakes that are going to push him further and further... Friday before making fhe second mistake of going to my exh house, i made the first mistake by sending fbe gf exbf a message via fb that he needed to get back with fhe gf.... i continually keep snowballing my life. Make. Me. Stop. PLEASE???? I am never going to get another chance ever if I continue this crap.

[Mrs D]

On a side note, last night was good. No contact other than texting him to have our son call me to wish him goodnight. Our son called, we talked then he handed the phone to my ex. We spoke for a bit - good conversation. Lite. Conversation ended and off go bed. Called the ex about 1 cause he had said he was going to brinv our son home in the am. He thought he would let him stay and play with a friend for a couple hours, but explained my son had a bday party to go to.

Pulled up to the house to get our son shortly after, honked the horn. My ex came out with his hands up - "you cant let come to the door to get our son?". I have to be honest, i was surprised. Got out. Alittle flirting when I asked if i could use the bathroom. He said no. I questioned him, he smiled and said yes. I noticed he didnt put our wedding photos back up after i took them down friday. Our son and i left shortly after, but there was flirting... dummy me text him later how much our son reminds me of him. Still flirting some in the text, or atleast I thin until he asks if I sent a unanimous message on fb to
ghe gf exbf.

[Mrs D]

Then he shut down..... im dumb. Stupid. Insecure. Continually doing dumbb, dumb things.... help...